IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries in the world people buy cloths and choose hair style according to the latest fashion. Why is this hapening? Is this a positive or negative development?

Pursuing the latest
fashion
Use synonyms
 phenomenon stems from the media
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 advertisers regularly hire celebrities to advocate new clothes and hairstyles, so
people
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 want to try them. When
people
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 see influencers using it, they mostly follow their idols, thinking it is fashionable.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the trend becomes unstoppable, resulting in crucial impacts on all perspectives,
such
Linking Words
 as the economy or society. On the one hand,
fashion
Use synonyms
 lets
people
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 show who they are, and can boost their self-esteem. Since some
people
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 prefer going out when they are confident, the modish style can contribute to encouraging the engagement of
people
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.
Moreover
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, it can stimulate the economy. In some countries, they rely on the
fashion
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 industry to subsidise their economic prosperity.
For example
Linking Words
, they can create more job opportunities for their
people
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 in shops, design and beauty.
On the other hand
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,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 can create peer pressure, especially among teenagers.
Together with
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 the comparison, one can feel excluded if most of their friends follow the trend.
In addition
Linking Words
, fast
fashion
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 can unknowingly harm the environment. To produce the beauty product, we must utilise several production lines.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are gradually depleting the natural resources.
Moreover
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, if we consume
this
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 extravagantly, we will use up the money. To resolve
this
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,
People
Use synonyms
 should be frugal in spending these kinds of things. If it is unnecessary, we sometimes should consider the usage.

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grammar
Grammar needs work. Fix many errors, e.g., capital I, plural clothes, and word endings.
structure
Break ideas into clear, short sentences. Use simple words and keep one idea per sentence.
content
Make your main points in each part develop more. Add a small example to show the idea.
task response
Be more direct in answering the question. State a clear view (positive, negative, or both) at the start.
lexis
Some verbs and nouns do not fit well. Check article use and word choice.
coherence
The essay shows a clear two side view with good use of on the one hand vs on the other hand.
content
There are ideas about money and nature, which show some view of real life.
task
The plan to spend less is easy to see and tied to the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fashion
  • trend
  • clothes
  • hair style
  • latest
  • brand
  • shop
  • store
  • online
  • ads
  • media
  • peers
  • friends
  • city
  • country
  • culture
  • money
  • cost
  • cheap
  • expensive
  • job
  • work
  • design
  • beauty
  • joy
  • expression
  • identify
  • identity
  • pressure
  • spend
  • save
  • environment
  • waste
  • fast fashion
  • look
  • appearance
  • self esteem
  • compare
  • belong
  • modern
  • global
  • local
  • culture
  • influence
  • market
  • buy
  • choice
  • balance
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