IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion”

Dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
, currently,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 popular among the youth.
According to
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
, the government has to prohibit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will harm
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. On the opposite view, some other persons argue that doing these physical
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 is related to freedom of expression. Both contradictive views have their own follower,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have to have
stance
Correct article usage
a stance
show examples
 on humanity.
Sports
Use synonyms
, like mixed martial arts,
cross fit
Use the right word
CrossFit
show examples
, or
motorbike
Check wording
motorcycle
show examples
race
Fix the agreement mistake
racing
show examples
, are considered dangerous. These activities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not only exercise physical activity, but
also
Linking Words
 harm
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. In the combat of martial arts,
for instance
Linking Words
, the players would absolutely
doing
Verb problem
be doing
show examples
 violence
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
 other, by punching, kicking, and any other forms of
self defence
Use the right word
self-defence
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the risk
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
 will not only happen during the game, but
also
Linking Words
 can continue outside. In
this
Linking Words
 matter,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 has to be bold and clear to prohibit the dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 for the sake of humanity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that doing dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 part of human freedom. No one has the right to ask other persons
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not
doing
Wrong verb form
to do
show examples
 any activities, as long as not against the law. Meanwhile,
this
Linking Words
 party asserts that
people
Use synonyms
 have prepared themselves before doing dangerous acts. It means that every person is professional and they will consider safety first.
However
Linking Words
, when
accident
Correct article usage
an accident
show examples
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
 and
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 injury or death, these
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 assume that it happens because the player might be the right person
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 time.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 may have different
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 portraying about dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that those activities can
free
Verb problem
fulfil
show examples
 every
person
Check wording
person's
show examples
 desire in
sports
Use synonyms
, even
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
 neglect the risks when accidents happen sometimes.
However
Linking Words
, some other
people
Use synonyms
 said that there should be strict
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 to ban the dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
, since it might result
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fatality. And I lean to the latter opinion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay with a clear path: intro, view one, view two, your view, and wrap up. Use linking words between parts.
content
Add more detail to each view. Give one or two clear ideas for why the view is right and a short example.
grammar
Check grammar. Use short, clear sentences. Fix errors like 'are' vs 'is' in plural form.
lexical
Use simple, common words. Do not use hard or long words.
ideas
You show both sides of the issue.
stance
You give your own view at the end.
coherence
There are linking words to join ideas.
structure
The ending has a wrap up of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: