IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think living in a big city is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People argue that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 life in large cities is bad for
health
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 my perception, developed regions can have more
health
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
 nowadays. Citizens are facing many
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
 because of
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
 department, motor
vehicles
Use synonyms
 and
food
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many big industries are polluting the oxygen by emitting
gases
Use synonyms
 like carbon monoxide and sulphur dioxide. These
gases
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 are becoming a cause of various diseases in
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body. Many cases of lung
problems
Use synonyms
 are rising in various regions.
Last
Linking Words
 year, BBC News claimed that about 1500 new cases of lung disorders were reported by the Government hospital of Cardiff because of harmful industrial
gases
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, motor
vehicles
Use synonyms
 , especially cars, buses and bikes, are playing a major role in polluting the air. More than a hundred thousand
vehicles
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 run on roads in every city. Black
gases
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 are produced by
vehicles
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 and
also
Linking Words
 pollute our environment. Many Children have
problems
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to inhale
Wrong verb form
inhaling
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 oxygen ,
moreover
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 other diseases like heart
issues
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the UOG report, many students have
health
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
particularly
Punctuation problem
, particularly
show examples
 heart disorders.
Lastly
Linking Words
, many restaurants use cheap products to cook
food
Use synonyms
 in cities
Punctuation problem
, specially
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specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
 impure oil
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, they don't clean dishes properly. These
problems
Use synonyms
 are becoming
cause
Correct article usage
a cause
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 of stomach
issues
Use synonyms
 in citizens
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 young people often prefer to visit
restaurant
Correct article usage
a restaurant
show examples
 to eat.
Last
Linking Words
 year,
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 authority
seal
Wrong verb form
sealed
show examples
 almost 4 restaurants in Islamabad because they
founded
Verb problem
found
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  dead chicken in
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food
Correct article usage
the food
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.  In conclusion, developed regions are not good for human
health
Use synonyms
 because of industrial and vehicle pollution ;
however
Linking Words
, we can not deny the fact that cities provide us with facilities like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 good hospitals, schools for our children and fast transport.

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planning
Plan your essay with a clear start, middle and end. State your view in one sentence at the start. Then give 2 clear ideas with short examples. End with a short sum up.
structure
Make each paragraph hold one main idea. Use a simple topic sentence at the start of the paragraph.
linking
Use linking words to join ideas. Use words like First, Also, But, Because, So to move from one idea to the next.
editing
Check your grammar and spelling. Watch for subject and verb, and make nouns plural when needed.
content
Your view on the topic is clear.
content
You use some examples to back up your points.
structure
You show both sides in the end, which is good for task response.
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