IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to Japan for different purposes between 1990 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to Japan for different purposes between 1990 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart gives the information about the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
foreight
Correct your spelling
foreign
people
Use synonyms
 who visited Japan for three different reasons during 1990 until 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it
clearly
Rephrase
apply
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can be seen that travelling for business
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the main reason among
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 other factors. In 1990, business journey was the biggest
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 travelling to Japan,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for around 6.5
million
Use synonyms
 visitors.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it experienced a positive trend which gradually increased, reaching a peak at
aorund
Correct your spelling
around
 9.5
million
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, the rate
was
Verb problem
apply
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slightly dropped
with
Change preposition
to
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 around 7.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2005 before it rose again
until
Change preposition
in
show examples
 next following year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the second reason for visiting Japan was the holiday activity with approximately 5.5
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the rate
was
Verb problem
dropped
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 slightly
drop
Verb problem
apply
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by 1.5
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in 1995.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the trend was constantly
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
 at
arpund
Correct your spelling
around
 6.5
million
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 in 2000, and reached a peak at 8
million
Use synonyms
 visitors before 2010. Meanwhile, visiting friends was the least factor with only around 3.75
million
Use synonyms
 visitors in 1990, but the trend was constantly
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
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,
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 a peak at approximately 7
million
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 in 2005.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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