IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore,sport lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that the increasing laziness among youngsters has become a major concern in today's world. I firmly agree with
this
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 statement because it reflects an essential truth about how
children
Use synonyms
 spend their leisure time in passive ways rather than engaging in productive or physical activities. In the following paragraphs, I will outline the reasons behind my opinion and provide relevant examples to support it.
To begin
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 with, technology has had a significant effect on
children
Use synonyms
's lifestyles, as they have become less productive and reliant on technology and electronic devices.
In other words
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, many
children
Use synonyms
 now spend most of their free time playing video games or scrolling through social media
instead
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 of being active in the real world. Another point to consider
that
Verb problem
is that
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 the
ministry
Fix capitalization
Ministry
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 of
education
Fix capitalization
Education
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 should make
sports
Use synonyms
 subjects mandatory.
In other words
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,
Sports
Use synonyms
 are essential for
children
Use synonyms
's brain and physical health
, there
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. There
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 are many kinds of
sports
Use synonyms
 that schools can practice,
for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 volleyball
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 both
of
Change preposition
apply
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genders can enjoy as a fun activity.
Moreover
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,
sports
Use synonyms
 usually require teamwork, which provides a great place to make new
friendship
Replace the word
friends
show examples
 and engage with other youngsters to play and stay active even after school hours in parks or playgrounds.
Also
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,
sports
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 are
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 in many aspects;
for instance
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, mental
helath
Correct your spelling
health
,
children
Use synonyms
 are naturally active, it is understandable if
Correct article usage
the eldlery
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eldlery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 are less energetic
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 for
youngsters
Punctuation problem
youngsters,
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 it should be the opposite. In conclusion, I believe
this
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 idea is highly effective and can make a real difference. 
For
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this
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 reason, it should be taken into consideration and supported whenever possible.

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structure
Plan your answer. State your view at the start, then give two clear reasons with brief details, and finish with a short restatement.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas. Simple words like first, also, and finally help the flow.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Watch subject and verb, and fix common mistakes like 'they are' and 'it's'.
content
Give full examples for each point. Say how sport helps body and mind with a short, clear detail.
lexical
Use easy, common words. Do not use long or hard words unless you are sure of the meaning.
task
The writer shows a clear view that sports in school are good.
structure
The essay has an opening and a closing line.
content
Some ideas on tech use and teamwork are clear and fit the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childhood obesity
  • structured activities
  • physical fitness
  • mandatory
  • physical education (PE)
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • perseverance
  • discover
  • talents
  • access
  • integrate
  • flexible
  • rigid
  • undue pressure
  • self-esteem
What to do next:
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