IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customer travel to large shoping malls to do their shoping. is this a positive or negative development.

In the
last
Linking Words
 few years, a lot of small local shops have closed down because
customers
Use synonyms
 have preferred to buy goods at bigger shopping
malls
Use synonyms
. It seems ironic that small enterprises will lose their jobs. But in fact, shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 offer a one-stop shopping solution.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 offers various comfortable facilities that make
customers
Use synonyms
 spend more
shopping time
Correct word order
time shopping
show examples
.
First,
Linking Words
the shopping centre simplified the way people shop, because all goods and services are located in one place.
For instance
Linking Words
, buyers can find various daily goods, skin care products, or even sports equipment
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in a single mart. Not only various stuff, but they are
also
Linking Words
 able to have various services, like a bank or amusement activities.
However
Linking Words
, with various stores, small local shops actually have the opportunity to join by increasing their service and quality.
Second,
Linking Words
shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 offer comfort, aside from the shopping experience. Since it was properly designed,
malls
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 usually have a simple shopping layout that makes
customers
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 easy to access all stores.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 has complete supportive facilities,
such
Linking Words
 as an air conditioner. So that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
customers
Use synonyms
 can spend a lot of shopping time. Aside from that, clean bathrooms are another example that will make the mall a better place to visit and to shop. All in all,
customers
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travel
Verb problem
travelling
show examples
 to large shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 is a positive development. It does not mean that it will stimulate small shops to close, since they actually can join the big
malls
Use synonyms
 to reach more
customers
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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, their existence will most likely give
customers
Use synonyms
 more shopping choices in the most comfortable shopping environment.

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task response
Make your view on the question very clear in the first line and keep it to the end.
development
Add more facts or ideas to back up your point.
coherence
Use simple words to link ideas, like 'also', 'in addition', 'but', 'however'.
grammar
Check small grammar and form, like 'shopping malls' and 'shops'.
language
Try to use a wider range of sentence forms, but keep the words simple.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
content
Two main ideas are clear, and simple links are used.
coherence
The idea of one-stop shopping is well shown.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • decline of local economies
  • unemployment
  • vibrancy
  • uniqueness
  • convenience
  • diverse range
  • reduce travel expenses
  • urbanization
  • environmental issues
  • habitat destruction
  • increased pollution
  • cultural identity
  • personal touch
  • competitive pressure
  • niche markets
  • specialty stores
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