IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree? #countries #alcohol

): In many countries, it is now officially banned to advertise alcoholic drinks. I completely agree with
this
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 policy because
alcohol
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 has a significant negative impact on health, leading to serious diseases
such
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 as heart and kidney failure. Another reason is that banning advertisements helps to reduce the number of
people
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 who buy these products. Drinking
alcohol
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, including wine and beer, has harmful effects on both physical and mental health. In the long term, it can damage the liver, kidneys, and heart.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who become addicted to
alcohol
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 often suffer from behavioural changes and lose control over their responsibilities. Excessive drinking can
also
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 lead to criminal behaviour, sometimes resulting in imprisonment.
For example
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, a recent study found that the number of deaths caused by
alcohol
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-related diseases has increased dramatically in recent years.
Furthermore
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, banning
alcohol
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 advertisements plays an essential role in discouraging
people
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, especially young adults, from drinking. Advertising is a powerful tool that can influence
people
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’s choices, and removing
such
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 promotions helps reduce the temptation to consume
alcohol
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. In conclusion, I strongly believe that prohibiting
alcohol
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 advertisements is a beneficial policy. It protects public health and reduces the number of
people
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 who develop
alcohol
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 addiction or suffer from its harmful effects.

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structure
Plan your essay with a short plan: one idea in each paragraph and a final short ending.
cohesion
Use simple linking words to show cause and result, like because, so, therefore, also, but.
content
Give more exact facts or data to back up each claim, even small numbers.
stance
The writer takes a clear view and sticks to it.
content
Health and bad effect ideas are used to back the view.
structure
Intro, body, and ending are present and easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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