IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, many people do not feel safe either when they are at home or when they go out. What are the reasons and what can be done to solve this problem?

Nowadays,many people do not feel safe either at home or in public.
This
Linking Words
 issue has become increasingly concerning as reports
or
Use the right word
of
show examples
 crime and
violence
Use synonyms
 are frequently covered
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the media. The main reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 trend are economic hardships among low-income families and the lasting trauma experienced during childhood. One major cause of the rise in crime is the widening income gap and the limited support from the social welfare system. Many families are struggling to make ends meet,which may lead some individuals to commit theft or robbery out of desperation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, children who grow up in environments affected by domestic
violence
Use synonyms
 or substance use often experience neglect and emotional trauma.
Such
Linking Words
 experiences can cause psychological damage and foster anti-social behaviour later in life.
Consequently
Linking Words
, individuals from disadvantaged backgrounds are more likely to be influenced by high-crime
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
show examples
, which can result in irrational or aggressive actions. To address
this
Linking Words
 issue, several measures can be taken.
Firstly
Linking Words
, increasing the number of police patrols can help deter street
violence
Use synonyms
 and improve public confidence in safety.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the government should work closely with the education sector to promote moral and civic education, raising awareness about the dangers of drugs and weapons.
Additionally
Linking Words
, young offenders should be taught conflict resolution skills to prevent minor disputes from escalating into serious
violence
Use synonyms
. Emphasising empathy, cooperation, and responsible behaviour can help reduce aggressive tendencies. In conclusion, the growing sense of insecurity is largely caused by poverty and early-life trauma. By combining stronger
lay
Use the right word
law
show examples
 enforcement with educational initiatives, both the government and the community can
world
Verb problem
work
show examples
 together to create a safer and more harmonious society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar and accuracy
Fix small grammar errors and join sentences well, like using a comma before which, and spell check 'law enforcement' and 'in the media'.
development
Make ideas more tight. For each point, give a clear example or shape, not just broad words.
cohesion
Use simple and plain words only, but keep good links so the text flows well.
paragraph structure
Keep a clear topic in each paragraph. Start with a short line that shows the point, and end with a line that sums it.
conclusion
Avoid new ideas in the ending. Restate the main idea and what can be done.
organization
Plan is clear with causes and ways to fix the issue.
connectors
The essay uses linking words to show steps and cause–effect.
tone
It keeps a formal tone and sticks to the task.
scope
It shows good effort to talk about both home and street safety.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: