IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, many teenagers commit crime. What are the causes and what are the solutions?

The rate of juvenile crime has risen in recent years.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because of the lack of education from their
parents
Use synonyms
, which leaves adolescents without sufficient guidance and support, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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exposure to violent
media
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.
However
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, there are some solutions which can be taken to deal with
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, one of the most important
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 is that more and more teenagers have a very turbulent upbringing
,
Punctuation problem
;
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furthermore
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, there are a lot of single-parent families because
parents
Use synonyms
 get divorced and
then
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 separated.
In other words
Linking Words
, one of
Use synonyms
parents
Correct article usage
the parents
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 has to struggle particularly to support their dependents when they have busy careers.
Secondly
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, with the development and innovation of technology, teenagers are easily addicted to video games and short videos which contain violent images
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
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, they are influenced by the
media
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, they would copy what they see in the
media
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 and become aggressive and violent. There are two effective solutions to the problem of criminal behaviour among adolescents. One way to tackle
this
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to
Verb problem
is to
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 ensure that
parents
Use synonyms
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 their children, and they
also
Linking Words
 ought to provide legal education and support in order to teach children the difference between right and wrong. By doing
this
Linking Words
, it will help teenagers raise awareness of
this
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 predicament. Another method of dealing with youth crime is that governments should introduce
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict laws for all
media
Use synonyms
 platforms and establish a content classification system, which can clearly inform
parents
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 about the content for different
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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of
Change preposition
apply
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 and set
teen
Correct article usage
a teen
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 mode.
To sum up
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, parental supervision and the strict management rules for
media
Use synonyms
 are effective in dealing with
this
Linking Words
 problem. If
parents
Use synonyms
 and governments implemented these solutions, the
commit
Replace the word
commitment
show examples
 rates would
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
soon drop.

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planning
Plan your writing: start with a short intro, then a part on causes, then a part on solutions, then a short close.
cohesion
Make ideas clear with each paragraph: one main idea per paragraph, and add a simple link word to join ideas.
content
Add more detail: say more about the reasons and give one or two real ideas or facts.
grammar
Check grammar and word use: fix wrong forms, and make sentences clear.
sentence range
Use a mix of short and long sentences to keep flow, but be careful not to repeat.
task
The essay tries to answer the task and keeps to the topic.
cohesion
There are links like firstly and secondly to show order.
content
The ideas are on the same topic and can be seen.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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