IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Many children today are overweight. Give the reasons for this and give the solutions

There are many reasons for being overweight
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they are not useful,
such
Linking Words
 as being unhealthy.
First,
Linking Words
fast food, sugary drinks have more
carlores
Correct your spelling
calories
damage
Correct pronoun usage
that damage
show examples
 the
brian
Use the right word
brain
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, it is not healthy for the
body
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 , if the
body
Use synonyms
 took more Power drinks and sugary
for
Check wording
drinks for
show examples
 the
Gym after
Change preposition
gym
show examples
 that it will
be not
Correct word order
not be
show examples
alright because it will damage the
brian
Use the right word
brain
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
body
Check wording
body's
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
. In fact will not
lets
Correct subject-verb agreement
let
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
body
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rest or sleep all night. Second, they
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 do exercise or
activitys
Correct your spelling
activities
 at school for the
body
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, all day they
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 video games and
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
 fast food and at school
doesn't
Wrong verb form
they don't
show examples
 care about
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 healthy
Use synonyms
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, there is not enough
focest
Correct your spelling
support
 from the
parernts
Correct your spelling
parents
 because often they give the
sncask
Correct your spelling
snack
.
However
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 many solutions to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
First,
Linking Words
the government can not
allowed
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
 junk food and power drinks at schools
Punctuation problem
, especialy
show examples
especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
Change preposition
for childrens
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
.F

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improvement
Plan your essay. Start with a short intro that says what you will talk about. Then write two or three clear parts about causes and ways to fix them. End with a short conclusion.
improvement
Use simple words and fix big spelling mistakes. Check words like calories, brain, drinks, school, parents.
improvement
Make each idea clear. Put one idea in each paragraph. Use connecting words like 'First', 'Then', 'But', 'However' to show how ideas go.
improvement
Write a clear conclusion that restates the main ideas.
improvement
Check your grammar and use shorter sentences. Each sentence should be easy to read.
structure
The essay tries to show both causes and ways to fix the problem.
coherence
You use 'First', 'Second', and 'Finally' to show order.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • behave
  • better
  • punished
  • rewarded
  • believe
  • effective
  • arguing
  • immediately
  • unwanted
  • fear
  • pain
  • good
  • actions
  • praise
  • treated
  • learn
  • positive
  • feedback
  • happy
  • feel
  • repeat
  • future
  • create
  • problems
  • rather
  • learn
  • wrong
  • caught
What to do next:
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