IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more fathers are taking a break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the famnily than having both parents work fiull time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, many
fathers
Use synonyms
 from around the world are resigning from jobs because they want to stay home and
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
take care of their
children
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 my perception, strongly, I do not agree because
this
Linking Words
 step will impact on daily
life
Use synonyms
 of families ,
such
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 as
may be
Verb problem
apply
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fathers
Use synonyms
 might
be not
Correct word order
not be
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 happy
to
Verb problem
apply
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staying at home.
Moreover
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, most
descoveries
Correct your spelling
discoveries
 of science are introduced by
men
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 stronger than
wonen
Correct your spelling
women
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is possible that money is not enough for
expensives
Correct your spelling
expenses
. It is widely
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 most
individuals
Punctuation problem
individuals,
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specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
men
Use synonyms
's get bored after staying for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time in houses. Well, to take care of
children
Use synonyms
 is considered to be challenging for
fathers
Use synonyms
. They will face many difficulties ,
for instance
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 to prepare
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
,
to nap
Verb problem
caring for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their exam preparations are
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 demanding tasks. Unfortunately, they don't have
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
 in these activities. Obviously, we believe that
every one
Use the right word
everyone
show examples
 is equal
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 God made
men
Use synonyms
strong
Replace the word
stronger
show examples
 than women in many aspects. Undoubtedly, over 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
industries
Change preposition
of industries
show examples
, factories and mills
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 era are run by
Use synonyms
men's
Check wording
men
show examples
. Most
Innvention
Correct your spelling
inventions
 of science
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 medicines, motor vehicles, computers, tablets, mobile phones, machines,
instrument
Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
show examples
 and many other significant
products
Punctuation problem
products,
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 are introduced by
Use synonyms
men's
Check wording
men
show examples
. If in
this
Linking Words
 developed era, most
Use synonyms
men's
Check wording
men
show examples
 will start to resign from
Correct pronoun usage
their career
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
,
may be
Use the right word
maybe
show examples
 our progress
would
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 stuck.
Thirdly
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, there are many
expensives
Correct your spelling
expenses
 in our daily
life
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like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 to pay accommodation rent, gas and electric bills, to
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 for
transportion
Correct your spelling
transportation
. I would say it is not easy to accomplish
this
Linking Words
 challenging task for
womens
Correct your spelling
women
. If they just earn money may be it will not be enough for their
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 and
husband
Check wording
husband's
show examples
 expenses. Many couples nowadays do many
part time
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
 jobs
then
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 they
able
Verb problem
are able
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 to live
happy
Replace the word
happily
show examples
.
Last
Linking Words
 year, a report by BBC News
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 claimed that
approximately
Rephrase
apply
show examples
more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
couples
Change preposition
of couples
show examples
do jobs
Verb problem
work
show examples
 together. In conclusion, it is insignificant for
fathers
Use synonyms
 to resign
a
Change preposition
from a
show examples
job
they
Punctuation problem
; they
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 will eventually face many crises and issues in their daily
life
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
. Instead
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 step I would recommend
couples
Check wording
apply
show examples
that they need to do
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard
 together for work and
house
Use the right word
household
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.

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structure
State a clear view in the first paragraph and keep it in all parts of the essay.
structure
Give one main idea in each paragraph and explain it with simple facts or ideas.
structure
Use simple joining words to show how ideas fit together.
language
Fix spelling and grammar so the meaning is clear.
content
clear view is stated and kept.
content
touches on real life ideas like money and time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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