IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a controversial notion heating the debate whether
kids
Use synonyms
 should be sent to kindergarten or left with their grandparents. Both ideas have their own merits, and I will be explicating these viewpoints in the essay below. First and foremost, some
parents
Use synonyms
 find it more favourable for their offspring to go to childcare because of their busy working schedule. The staff of these locations is well qualified, which can help children enhance their cognitive and intellectual skills.
For example
Linking Words
, some
kids
Use synonyms
 require extra care
due to
Linking Words
 special needs like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 autism, for which these professionals are well trained.
This
Linking Words
 makes their
parents
Use synonyms
 feel relaxed when they are working hard to earn
living
Correct article usage
a living
show examples
 for their family.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is one of the effective ways to maintain balance between work life and personal life,
while
Linking Words
 your
kids
Use synonyms
 are not being ignored.
Consecutively
Replace the word
Consequently
show examples
, grandparents play a vital role in the life of their grandkids,
while
Linking Words
 aiding their children to save some money by not using childcare services. Additional benefits
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 elders have experience
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to raise
Change preposition
in raising
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 social and spiritual values in them.
For instance
Linking Words
, when working
parents
Use synonyms
 save some extra money with the help of their family members,
then
Linking Words
 they can spend some more time with their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, some people prefer to be a part of
joint
Correct article usage
a joint
show examples
 family, so they can get help from their elders and other family members
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when in need.
Overall
Linking Words
, the debate about using childcare services or family help
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 own benefits for the
parents
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it should depend on the
soical
Correct your spelling
social
 or financial situation of a person, how they feel their children should be
raise
Wrong verb form
raised
show examples
, and which kind of environment.

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task
Make your view clear at the end. Say which choice you think is best for most families.
task
Give one or two strong reasons for each side and then add your own view.
coherence
Use small link words to show how ideas go from one to another.
grammar
Use short and clear sentences. Check for mistakes in plural form and spelling.
content
The essay shows a real effort to talk about both sides.
vocabulary
There are some clear ideas and some good word use like childcare and grandparents.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured learning environment
  • cognitive development
  • social interaction
  • trained educators
  • developmental curricula
  • nurturing care
  • emotional bond
  • emotional security
  • developmental outcomes
  • educational materials
  • outdoor play areas
  • one-on-one attention
  • flexibility
  • unpredictable schedules
  • individual family circumstances
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