IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

There is a debate over people where male guardians stay at home
bye
Use the right word
by
show examples
 taking care of their child,
while
Linking Words
 mothers are working
instead
Linking Words
 of their
husband
Fix the agreement mistake
husbands
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is a negative development
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it has conventional reasons for that. Ideas and opinions will be explored in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Most people consider that males should always be responsible for the financial statement of
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 and
work
Use synonyms
 for them daily.
According to
Linking Words
 the BBC news, Muslim countries are always
reckons
Wrong verb form
reckoning
show examples
 that making money is
men
Use synonyms
's job, whilst
upbringing
Verb problem
raising
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 is women's. That's because
men
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more power and
often
Verb problem
are often
show examples
 meant to be the defender of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 family or wife. In their rule, it is prohibited for females to
work
Use synonyms
 in
labour intensive
Use the right word
labour-intensive
show examples
 or mixed occupancies
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as drivers or some particular jobs.
In contrast
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,
this
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 may cause gender inequality,
as a result
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, women's
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
 remain as a dream forever because of
jealousy
Correct article usage
the jealousy
show examples
 of males
On the other hand
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, there might be several reasons why
men
Use synonyms
 sit at home as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
housekeeper
Fix the agreement mistake
housekeepers
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 can have
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as disabilities which might unfit for
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
husband
Correct article usage
the husband
show examples
 might
encountered
Wrong verb form
encounter
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hazardous situations like a car accident. Stress, depression, injuries,
mental
Correct word choice
and mental
show examples
 fatigue might
handicap for
Verb problem
hinder
show examples
 fathers to
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. Another reason is that
wife's
Correct article usage
a wife's
show examples
 salary could be
way more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
enough for
household
Correct article usage
the household
show examples
 or for
a
Correct article usage
all
show examples
 whole relatives. Other people say paternal upbringing is efficient, but that's not actually true. Maternal love
always
Verb problem
is always
show examples
 much better
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the father. In conclusion, some reasons might be reason why fathers stay at home
by looking
Change preposition
to look
show examples
 after the children
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not conventionally true.
As a result
Linking Words
, it might demonstrate
mens
Correct your spelling
men
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weak or may influence on reputation of males. Despite having a few problems,
men
Use synonyms
 should find
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 ways to feed the children

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structure
Use a clear plan at the start. State your view at the end. Try to give both sides with calm tone.
coherence
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Use simple, short sentences to link ideas.
content
Explain why staying at home can be good or not. Give small, real examples for each point.
grammar
Check grammar. Use simple words. Watch plural and verb use (e.g., men have, not men has).
accuracy
Do not use many facts that may be wrong. If you name facts, say where they come from and be careful.
content
The topic is clear and the writer tries to show both sides.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
content
The idea of family roles is used in each paragraph.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • breadwinner
  • caregiving
  • paternal leave
  • societal perceptions
  • gender roles
  • flexible working conditions
  • personal preference
  • father-child relationship
  • emotional and social development
  • household responsibilities
  • career opportunities
  • professional achievements
  • balanced parenting
  • earning potential
  • social stigma
  • societal pressure
  • discrimination
  • traditional mindsets
  • resentment
  • adjustment
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