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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram illustrates the places visited by different
people
Use synonyms
 living in
Canada
Use synonyms
. Which are (
Cinema
Use synonyms
,
Theatre
Use synonyms
 ,
Library
Use synonyms
, and
Zoo
Use synonyms
).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it's visited by New migrants born in other
countries
Use synonyms
, New migrants born in English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
, and
People
Use synonyms
 born in
Canada
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, all tend to have a distinct trend between different
people
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 born in
Canada
Use synonyms
 have the highest
cinema
Use synonyms
visits
Use synonyms
 with an astonshing 70%.
While
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 born in English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 have the most
visits
Use synonyms
 in the
Theatre
Use synonyms
 with 25%, and in the
Zoo
Use synonyms
 with 50%. On the one hand,
People
Use synonyms
 born in other
countries
Use synonyms
 have the highest
visits
Use synonyms
 in the
Library
Use synonyms
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
55%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 born in
Canada
Use synonyms
 have 42% in
Use synonyms
Zoo
Correct article usage
the Zoo
show examples
, followed by
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Library
Use synonyms
 with 38%, and
lastly
Linking Words
 the
Theatre
Use synonyms
 with 20%.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 born in English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
40%
Library
Use synonyms
visits
Use synonyms
, and an impressive 65% in the
Cinema
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 born in other
countries
Use synonyms
 have a 50% in the
Cinema
Use synonyms
, and a 35% in
Zoo
Use synonyms
, and has a 10% in the
Theatre
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 born in
Canada
Use synonyms
 like to visit the
Cinema
Use synonyms
 the most, same for English-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
, and for other
Use synonyms
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 they like to visit the
Library
Use synonyms
 the most.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, canada, cinema, theatre, library, zoo, countries, visits with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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