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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.
The bar graph illustrates the contribution of various sectors in Brazil's economy in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 2009 and 2019 .
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, it
also
Linking Words
 shows the prediction for the
year
Use synonyms
 2029.
Overall
Linking Words
, finance depicts the highest
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 in the economic share from 2009 to 2019 and is predicted to be the highest compared to others in 2029.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Manufacturing industries had the least percentage of total shares over the years ,and will continue to decline in future.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 other sectors have shown fluctuation in the figures over the period.
Finance
Correct article usage
The finance
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 sector accounted for the highest statistics in 2009
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 was 30%. These data surged
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
 approximately 36% in 2019 and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 predicted to be 40% in 2029.
Conversely
Linking Words
, a downward trend is observed for
manfacturing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
 industries' contribution to Brazil's economy
standing
Punctuation problem
, standing
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 at 20 % in 2009 and forecasted to drop
at
Change preposition
to
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 5% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2029. Similar variation in figures was observed for food processing and oil, coal and gas
domain
Fix the agreement mistake
domains
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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 percentage of share in 2009 and 2029 and
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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in
Check wording
percentage in
show examples
 2019.
While
Linking Words
 it was 10 % in 2009 and predicted
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2029 and 20 % in 2019 for Food Processing, and almost 25% in 2009 and 2029 and standing at 30 % in 2019 for oil, coal and gas. The statistics for
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 industry
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 higher in the
intial
Correct your spelling
initial
year
Use synonyms
 at 30% which
further
Linking Words
 saw a gradual decline in the figures reaching 20% in 2019 and
stabilizing
Change the spelling
stabilising
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 at
this
Linking Words
 percentage in future.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage share
  • economic growth
  • industry forecast
  • notable growth
  • decline
  • steady growth
  • trend
  • significant increase
  • economic landscape
  • industry sector
  • projected growth
  • consumer preferences
  • technological advancements
  • industrial transformation
  • mature industry
  • economic policies
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