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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people say that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others, however, believe that students should spend more time on subjects they like, or are good at. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In today's
world
Add a comma
world,
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 there is a growing debate
wether
Use the right word
whether
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 teens should focus on their academics
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 others argue that they should concentrate on
extra-curicullar
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
 activities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the views before drawing
the
Correct article usage
a
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 conclusion.
To begin
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 with, students who are good at their studies are more likely to be disciplined and hardworking.
Moreover
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, they are excellent at their analytical and
problem solving
Use the right word
problem-solving
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 skills
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 important factor in shaping their career. Students,
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 have predefined aims and ambitions in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and start working to achieve their goals in the right direction.
Additionally
Linking Words
, youngsters who perform well set a benchmark
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 community in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. They not only take part in competitive exams but
also
Linking Words
 increase
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
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 rate of the country. Youngsters often develop a curiosity to learn new things and
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
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 primary
self study
Use the right word
self-study
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.
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 the society
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, For
show examples
For
Fix capitalization
for
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 instance, many Indian and Chinese schools inculcate
vedic
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Vedic
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 maths and
abacus
Correct article usage
the abacus
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 in their syllabus to
sharp
Replace the word
sharpen
show examples
 their mathematical skills.
On the other hand
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, others believe that the children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 pay attention to their hobbies
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as cinema or
athletics
Punctuation problem
athletics,
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 are more confident and socially active.
However
Linking Words
, they not only give their best in the area but
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 influence their peers to participate
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different activities. Adolescents can pursue
career
Correct article usage
a career
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into
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 subjects.
For example
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, in
Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
show examples
schooling
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 incorporate dance, music, craft, and drawing
Punctuation problem
, it
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 increases
thinking
Correct article usage
the thinking
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 ability of kids and actively participate in competitions. In summary, as education plays a vital role in shaping
future
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the future
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 of youngsters by building technical abilities and
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
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mindset
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mindset,
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 they have a bright future.
Whereas
Linking Words
, one who is engaged
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
are have
Wrong verb form
has
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 good immunity and social
connect
Replace the word
connections
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. I strongly believe that building strong logical and core concepts in
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
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 school years is very crucial
and
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, and
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 being good at mathematics and
english
Fix capitalization
English
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 adds
a
Correct article usage
apply
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value to life.

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Task Response
Plan your answer. Start with a clear thesis in the introduction, then write two body paragraphs for the two views, and end with a short conclusion that restates your own view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use simple linking words to connect ideas. Use signal words like First, Also, However, For example, In addition, and make each paragraph have one main idea.
Task Response
Check grammar and spelling. Fix basic errors like wether -> whether and extra curricula -> extracurricular, and avoid long run-on sentences.
Task Response
Give more specific examples to support points. Explain how the example shows your idea and make a link back to your view.
Task Response
The essay shows a view on both sides and a clear personal opinion.
Coherence
There are examples from different countries to show how schooling may vary.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Well-rounded education
  • Formative years
  • Versatile skill sets
  • Premature specialization
  • Holistic development
  • Standardized tests
  • Deeper expertise
  • Academic options
  • Personalized learning
  • Foundational level
  • Motivating
  • Engagement
  • Career success
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