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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Band 9: Question: The table below shows the results of a survey that asked 6800 Scottish adults (aged 16 years and over) whether they had taken part in different cultural activities in the past 12 months. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Band 9: Question: The table below shows the results of a survey that asked 6800 Scottish adults (aged 16 years and over) whether they had taken part in different cultural activities in the past 12 months. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table illustrates that the outcomes of a research survey, in which 6800 Scottish adults are questioned with a remarkable question
what
Punctuation problem
, what
show examples
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 where they performed in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 12 months. The table data shows that
participants
Check wording
participants'
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 was 16years and above. As the information is gathered from
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
, mostly dancing, singing,playing instruments, and acting
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 common in the
age
Use synonyms
 of 16 to 24,which accounted
35
Change preposition
for 35
show examples
% of the total.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 was seventeen per cent in
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
47
Check wording
group 47
show examples
-48.
However
Linking Words
,
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 number of percentages
noted
Verb problem
was noted
show examples
 in writing and computer activity
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
5 per cent among 45 to
47 year old
Use the right word
47-year-old
show examples
 people. The second highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of adults
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 thirty per cent,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
belong
Correct subject-verb agreement
belongs
show examples
 to
visual
Correct article usage
the visual
show examples
 art, 16-24
age
Use synonyms
 group. Clearly, in 25 to 44
age
Use synonyms
 adults,
took
Correct pronoun usage
they took
show examples
 part in both
Use synonyms
activities
Correct word choice
cultural activities
show examples
 culture purchase and
undertaking
Verb problem
purchasing
show examples
crafts
Check wording
activities
show examples
 with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 17.
Similarly
Linking Words
, group 16 to 24 has
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most interesting point is
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 column, which has
combination
Correct article usage
a combination
show examples
 of all
age
Use synonyms
 percentages
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 its downward trend of
percentage
Use synonyms
 along the
activities
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 22%.19%,16%,15%,7%, and 6% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, age, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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