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Writing Samples
Band 8

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003.

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003.
The charts below illustrate details about the age range of tourists who visited Spain from the UK in two specific
years
Use synonyms
, 1983 and 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of British visitors who visited Spain were aged between 35 and 54 in the two given
years
Use synonyms
 , as demonstrated in the pie charts,
while
Linking Words
 other categories are present with different proportions. In detail, the percentage of people aged over 35 and under 54
years
Use synonyms
 decreased throughout the period, from 50% in 1983 to 35% in 2003,
while
Linking Words
 adults aged over 55
years
Use synonyms
 increased by nearly one tenth , reaching 26% in 2003.
Moreover
Linking Words
, British travellers aged between 25 and 34
years
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 reduced from 20% to 12%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , teenagers under 24
years
Use synonyms
 old climbed from 4% to 15% .
In addition
Linking Words
, children under 15
years
Use synonyms
 old
shares
Fix the agreement mistake
share
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 rose from 10% to 12%. In conclusion , the five age range proportions fluctuated during the two decades.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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