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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some cultures, children are often toldthat they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of given children this message?

Everything can be achieved if one puts their best efforts. It is taught to young ones by their elders in many cultures.
This
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 essay will delineate both
,
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apply
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 the positives and the negatives of the aforementioned statement. There are several
,
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apply
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 plus
point
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points
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 of teaching
such
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 a powerful saying to a kid. The paramount one is
,
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 to build a positive attitude towards the hardships.
In other words
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, a child motivated in
this
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 way will always have a positive approach
for
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to
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 everything in life.
Besides
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, it
also
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 helps to gain faith in their
hardwork
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hard work
. Justin
Beiber
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Bieber
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,
for instance
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, belonged to a poor family, but always believed in himself
,
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 and became a great pop star, who is popular worldwide for his work.
On the other hand
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, having many upsides
do
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does
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 not
over shadow
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overshadow
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 the downsides. Telling
such
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 sayings to children at
very
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a very
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 young age
make
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makes
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 them
over confident
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overconfident
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which
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, which
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 can lead to many disasters as well. A
four years old
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four-year-old
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,
for instance
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, in
india
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India
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jumpped
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jumped
of
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off
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 the roof of his house because he wanted to fly, and injured
himsef severly
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himself severely
. Apart
for
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from
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this
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, their faith can be shaken badly, if they fail to achieve something even after doing enough hardship, which leads to
hopelessless
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hopelessness
 among them. To recapitulate
,
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apply
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apply
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although
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, it is important to inject positive thoughts in children's
mind
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minds
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 to help them build a positive attitude and have faith in themselves.
However
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, it
also
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 results in bad outcomes
such
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 as
over confident
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overconfidence
show examples
, shaken beliefs, and hopelessness sometimes.

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task response
Clear view at the start. State what you think, then talk about both sides.
task response
Plan your essay with 3 main ideas. Put one idea in each body paragraph, then finish with a short end line.
coherence
Use simple linking words to join ideas, like also, but, and then. This helps flow.
task response
Explain each idea with a bit more detail. show how it works in life, not just say it.
task response
Choose examples that fit the point and explain how they show the point.
language
Check spelling and keep sentences clear. Use simple past and present consistently.
content
The essay shows both good and bad sides.
structure
There is an introduction and a clear end.
argument
Some use of example helps support a point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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