Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

It is thought that
music
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,
art
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and
drama
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are essential just like the other
subjects
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, specifically for the first level of education. The essay
is
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apply
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totally agrees with that statement because of the early
discover
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discovery
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of talented
students
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and
enjoyful
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enjoyable
. Many
students
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with talent discover that during childhood at primary school, when they are studying
music
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,
art
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or
drama
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classes
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.
This
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means that the first time they come across
this
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type of subject is at primary school,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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is important because
Correct pronoun usage
it need
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need
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needs
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to be detected earlier and developed.
As a result
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, children will have enough time to focus on what they need and master it.
For example
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, in my country,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
of
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apply
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talented individuals discover their talent
while
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they are at the first level of education. Learning
subjects
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such
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as
music
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,
art
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and
drama
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is very
enjoyful
Correct your spelling
enjoyable
for young pupils at primary school.
This
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needs less stressful
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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effort of studying and less time
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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to other
subjects
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, just like maths.
Furthermore
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, during
music
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,
art
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or
drama
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classes
Punctuation problem
classes,
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students
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do some practice and
be
Wrong verb form
are
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involved in different activities,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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makes them
interested
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more interested
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and excited
more
Correct word order
apply
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about learning.
As a result
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, the youth
students
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will not consider
schools
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as tough and boring places.
For example
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, many
students
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feel greater enjoyment in the
schools
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that have
subjects
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as
music
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,
art
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and
drama
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compared to other
students
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in
schools
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which don't have
such
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subjects
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. In conclusion,
this
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essay
is
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apply
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completely agrees with the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
of having
music
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,
art
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and
drama
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classes
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as
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
classes
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in primary
schools
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, because of early
discover
Replace the word
discovery
show examples
of talented
students
Use synonyms
and to increase their enjoyment.

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task
Your view is clear. Put it in the first line of the essay. Build body in 2 clear parts, each with one main idea and a short example.
task
Use one strong example with exact detail and fix word choice. Avoid long and hard sentences.
coherence
Divide your essay in to four small parts: intro, two body parts, and conclusion. Each part should have a clear line.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words: First, Also, Then, But, So. Use these to show how ideas go to together.
task
Clear view on the topic.
coherence
Some good link words are used.
task
There is a real example about the writer's country.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
What to do next:
Look at other essays: