IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel a country can't be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

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Introduction
To begin
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 with, many people think a country can't be financially progressive and environmentally friendly at the same
time
Use synonyms
.
While
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 others disagree with
this
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 point. In
this
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 essay, I'll elaborate on both points and give my opinion
at the end
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.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, if a country works hard enough, it can improve or achieve anything at the same
time
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.
For instance
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, Australia
,
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apply
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 its environmental decayed significantly in the past decade.
However
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, it keeps
on
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apply
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progressing every day. Same for its economy, it fluctuated between 2012 and 2021,
then
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 increased in its rest years.
As a result
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, I believe that if you keep on practising and working hard, you'll progress
at
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in
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 anything in the same period of
time
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.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, working hard means not having lots of
time
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 for family or friends.
This
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 may distance him from his family and close friends.
Furthermore
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, what I would do
,
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 is get 2 guys working in the same field and assign each one a
time
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 to come and leave.
For example
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, the first guy works from 9 am to 6 pm,
then
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 the other guy starts at 6.30pm and ends at 3-2 am.
Thus
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,
this
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 would increase environmental friendliness and , at the same
time
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 , economic progress slowly and steadily.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, there are a lot of ways to level up two things at the same
time
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. But it would be slow progress.
Finally
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,
i
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I
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 strongly disagree. Because it's about consistency and not giving up, most countries don't have
this
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 type of mentality. Because it's very difficult.

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Task response guidance
Give a clear plan in the start. Say what you think and what you will talk about.
Organization
Use two clear body parts, one for each view. Start each with a topic sentence.
Content guidance
Give real and clear examples that match your point.
Coherence guidance
Link ideas with simple bridges like also, but, and so to help flow.
Grammar guidance
Keep sentences short and correct. Check order and grammar.
Vocabulary guidance
Use easy words and avoid repeated long phrases.
Content awareness
The essay shows an attempt to cover both sides and give a view at the end.
Conclusion awareness
There is a closing line that tries to sum up the view.
Examples
A real life example is used, which shows some connection to the world.
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