IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Shopping is now one of the most popular types of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or a negative development?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, youngsters are giving more preference to shopping in terms of their favourite hobby in many nations. The reason behind
this
Linking Words
 trend is to get the
needy
Correct word choice
necessary
show examples
things
Use synonyms
, and it is
also
Linking Words
 the effect of consumerism. It has a negative development that will be discussed in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 in the upcoming paragraphs. One of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 shopping as a famous type of leisure activity for teenagers is to buy
things
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 their requirements, as young adults these days are occupied with their work and study schedules during
week days
Use the right word
weekdays
show examples
, so whenever they get free
time
Use synonyms
, they try to
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 it to shop
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
things
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they are not only enjoying their free
time
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 using it in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 best way. Another reason for
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 trend of shopping is consumerism. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when young adults go into any malls to purchase their clothes,
Linking Words
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they
come into
Verb problem
are
show examples
influence
Replace the word
influenced
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
things
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
Electronics
Replace the word
electronic
show examples
 devices: mobile phones,
Correct word choice
and laptop
show examples
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, they will not only spend their
money
Use synonyms
 on necessary
things
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 try to buy
things
Use synonyms
 that they already have under the influence of
materialistic
Correct article usage
the materialistic
show examples
 world.
However
Linking Words
, pursuing shopping as a leisure activity is a negative development, because in
this
Linking Words
 way teenagers neither save their
time
Use synonyms
or
Correct word choice
nor
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. If they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
go to
mall
Correct article usage
the mall
show examples
 to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
purchasing
things
Use synonyms
, they will spend extra
time
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
money
Use synonyms
 as well on unnecessary
things
Use synonyms
 that they already have in their real life.
Hence
Linking Words
, wastage of
time
Use synonyms
 and
money
Use synonyms
 shows the drawbacks of shopping as a
free
Use the right word
free-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 activity. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 by following shopping as past
time
Use synonyms
 activities, teenagers use their
time
Use synonyms
 in buying necessary
things
Use synonyms
, its negative
cannot
Check wording
effects cannot
show examples
 be neglected as it
waste
Correct subject-verb agreement
wastes
show examples
 the precious
time
Use synonyms
 and
hard earn
Use the right word
hard-earned
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 of parents.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first line and keep it in all parts of the essay.
task response
Talk about both sides. Say if shopping is good in some ways, then explain why the bad part is bigger.
content
Add one or two simple examples to back your main ideas.
coherence
Use clear parts: intro, reasons, and conclusion to help the reader.
coherence
Link ideas with small joins like and, but, so, also.
grammar
Check the grammar and word choice. Some phrases sound wrong or odd.
grammar
Keep to simple tense forms and common words.
structure
The topic is clear and easy to see.
content
There are more than one reason given for the view.
conclusion
There is a short end that says the view again.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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