IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals say that college
students
Use synonyms
 should learn what they are passionate about. Other people indicate that
students
Use synonyms
 have to study
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
majors
such
Linking Words
 as science and technology, which are beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
Use synonyms
 careers.
While
Linking Words
 others study majors based on the need of the
job
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe
students
Use synonyms
 need to pursue their dream and learn what they like. On the one hand, university
students
Use synonyms
 who follow their dreams will be smart and work hard in their
future
Use synonyms
 careers. Those who got high scores in college and have great knowledge in their degrees
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are enjoying what they learn.
For instance
Linking Words
, my friend studied law. She said that studying law is fun for her. She strived to get high scores and have full knowledge
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 course. Now, she is one of the best lawyers in France. I think those who pursue their goals and work hard will achieve their dream jobs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think that
students
Use synonyms
 have to choose degrees based on the
job
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
. These days, there are many college
students
Use synonyms
prefer
Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
show examples
 to learn
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 that are crucial in the
job
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as Business Administration, IT, and
Engineer
Replace the word
Engineering
show examples
. They believe
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 they choose these subjects will have high
job
Use synonyms
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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.
For example
Linking Words
, my cousin has
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
 in IT. He told me he has not qualified
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the career positions
due to
Linking Words
 high competition. My cousin advised others that
should
Correct pronoun usage
they should
show examples
 not learn subjects based on the
job
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
 needs. I disagree
choosing
Change preposition
with choosing
show examples
course
Correct article usage
a course
show examples
 based on the
market
Use synonyms
 rather than studying their favourite subjects.
To conclude
Linking Words
, learners
study
Correct pronoun usage
who study
show examples
 courses for their
future
Use synonyms
 jobs might not get
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 easily because of high competition
, those
Punctuation problem
. Those
show examples
 who are ambitious should strive for the dream majors
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they will work hard in their
future
Use synonyms
 careers.

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task response
Explain your own view more clearly in the ending and restate your opinion.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Start each paragraph with a simple topic sentence and keep ideas in order.
language
Check spelling and grammar, like capital I, verb forms, and word choice. Use simple, correct sentences.
content
Give more varied and real examples. One friend and one cousin are not enough.
accuracy
Be careful with facts or claims and keep tone calm and neutral.
content
You try to discuss both sides of the topic.
structure
You use signposts like On the one hand and On the other hand.
content
There are some clear examples to show ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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