IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that it is possivle to tell a lot about a person's culture and character from their choice of clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

Outfits often
represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
show examples
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 style and preference. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, some argue that
choice
Correct article usage
the choice
show examples
 of
chothing
Correct your spelling
clothing
 can tell
Use synonyms
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
 and
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
 of the person. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, and I will
represent
Verb problem
provide
show examples
 supporting reasons in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
First,
Linking Words
individual style is often affected by
culture
Use synonyms
. In many Muslim countries
highly
Punctuation problem
, highly
show examples
 regulated by religious
culture
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
, married women are supposed to hide their
face
Fix the agreement mistake
faces
show examples
 with
clothes
Use synonyms
, avoiding unintended exposure of their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 in public. In
such
Linking Words
 a case,
people
Use synonyms
 can easily
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 their
culture
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
Use synonyms
clothes
Correct pronoun usage
their clothes
show examples
. In special international events,
such
Linking Words
 as
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
,
athletics
Replace the word
athletes
show examples
 often choose
clothes
Use synonyms
 to represent their regional cultures. Even in many east asian countries, which are not regulated by religion,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to follow popular
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
, considering
Correct article usage
the view
show examples
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 of other
people
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to represent their unique
character
Use synonyms
 by choosing specific styles or
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
.
Bisexaul
Correct your spelling
Bisexual
 or
transgenders
Use the right word
transgender
show examples
,
Check wording
people, for
show examples
for instance
Linking Words
, wear accessories or
clothes
Use synonyms
 in rainbow
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
 to present their sexual identity.
In addition
Linking Words
, musicians or artists
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 use their
outfit
Fix the agreement mistake
outfits
show examples
 as a means of displaying their special concepts of their works in music or paintings.
Although
Linking Words
 passion reflects
Use synonyms
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
 and
character
Use synonyms
 of individuals,
people
Use synonyms
 choose
clothes
Use synonyms
 to wear considering the occasions and situations
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 they are present. In
this
Linking Words
 case, it is hard to predict
background
Correct article usage
the background
show examples
 and
character
Use synonyms
 with their outfits. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 choose their
outfit
Fix the agreement mistake
outfits
show examples
 suited for occasions and situations, I firmly contend that clothing can reflect one's
character
Use synonyms
 or
culture
Use synonyms
either
Punctuation problem
, either
show examples
 on purpose or not.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language use
Fix grammar and spelling errors. Use simple words and correct spellings (for example, outfits, clothes, culture).
task response
State your view clearly in the introduction and repeat it in the conclusion. Then keep one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence
Make links between ideas more clear. Use simple connecting words like first, also, but, however.
content
Give stronger and more close examples that match the idea you use in each paragraph.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear view that clothes can reflect culture and character.
content
Some ideas link culture to clothing in a simple way.
coherence
There is an effort to add examples and a counter-argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: