IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that visitors to other country should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

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It is believed that tourists who
visits
Change the verb form
visit
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 a
country
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 should
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
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 local wisdom
while
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 some argue that the host
country
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 should respectfully for cultural diversity. Despite the latter statement could be beneficial, personally, I think that it is more important to know and respect any kind of ground rules and conventions among the local residents. On the one hand, in
this
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 modern age, every nation should welcome
for
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apply
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any
culture
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 in terms of their support for cultural diversity. Through
this
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 way,
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will many people become interested in visiting the
country
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,
due to
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 the fact that their identity will not denied but will accepted in the
provincial
Replace the word
province
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 which they want to explore.
Additionally
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,
this
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 approach will
also
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 contribute a significant impact on international understanding, where people could know each other through their
culture
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.
Conversely
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, international understanding is not solely about being a very welcome
country
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 to accept any strict customs. Every human being still could preserve their
country
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 by protecting and preventing any kind of other
culture
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 from replacing their own practice
due to
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 over-welcoming trends. Toraja Tribe in Celebes, Indonesia, is one of the best examples, where foreign values have started to replace their own
culture
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. By
this
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 example, it is essential for everyone, to preserve and continue their identity in terms of their local wisdom where everyone should be respectful and follow it when they want to be visitors. Taking everything into account, it seems to me that every visitor should respect any kind of local wisdom in the
country
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 that they visit, not only to respect the local
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
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but
also
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 to make sure that the local customs will be sustainable for the next generation and the most importantly for International understanding which applied in the way they follow the local rules.

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task achievement
The introduction could be improved for clarity. Ensure that the thesis statement clearly outlines both positions to be discussed.
task achievement
Some points in the essay could be developed further with more detailed examples and clearer links between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance the clarity of your arguments. There were some grammatical errors that affected readability.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use more cohesive devices to link ideas effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and includes a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The example of the Toraja Tribe is relevant and supports the argument about preserving local wisdom.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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