IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people today choose to take part in extreme sports (e.g skydiving,rock climbing). Why do you think people want to do these sports? Who do you think should pay if people injure themselves while doing an extreme sport?

Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 choose to participate in extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 because they want excitement and a break from
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 daily routine.
Although
Linking Words
 it is thrilling, these activities can be dangerous. In my opinion,
people
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 join extreme
sports
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 to feel adrenaline and build confidence.
However
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, in case of injuries, they should be the ones responsible for the costs. These extreme
sports
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 offer
people
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 a sense of freedom.
While
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 they are feeling invincible, they gain confidence and precious experiences. Rock climbing, skydiving, surfing and so on, are some of the best ways to have fun for
people
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 who want to feel the adrenaline-pumping. The thrilling experiences can give the best memories for a lifetime.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if it is a sport in exotic places, the adventurer can come across amazing landscapes and nature. So, these activities attract
people
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 with their unique appeal. Despite the positive effects,
people
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 are at risk of becoming injured and are, without a doubt, responsible for the damage. In fact, some injuries can be lethal.
For example
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, if an inexperienced person wants to climb a mountain, he might end up hurt. He chose to climb the mountain and took responsibility for the consequences.
Therefore
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, the costs should be covered by him, not by the government or other public services.
To conclude
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,
while
Linking Words
 extreme
sports
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 can provide unforgettable memories, confidence and excitement, individuals must accept all of the responsibilities for any injuries that occur. Choosing to participate in risky activities means accepting both the benefits and the potential consequences.

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content
Add more strong points to show why people pick these sports. give one or two good ideas with short proof.
structure
Use more linking words to show how your thoughts go from one to the next.
content
Give more real examples and tell how costs may be paid or who pays.
style
Keep ideas clear with short rows of words and not too long lines.
task
Clear view on the topic and answer to both questions.
structure
Intro and ending are clear and show you know the work.
content
Some good examples of sports and big ideas are used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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