IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government should support sports and the arts at school to encourage children to take part in sports, more than supporting professional sports and artistic performances for general public. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Sports and arts are
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 undeniable part of education, and
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 is no alternative to these disciplines.
Linking Words
therefore
Fix capitalization
Therefore
show examples
, some people believe that authorities should motivate the children to get engaged in sports and arts rather than just supporting these more as entertainment programmes for
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion to most of the extent
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
my viewpoint to support my belief in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, since, there is
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
 saying that a healthy mind resides in a healthy body, and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 body means mentally, physically, or emotionally fit. In order to achieve that,
one
Use synonyms
 should practice physical activities, meditate, and participate in some artistic activities like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 painting, dance, making hand
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
,
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etc
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the school education does not have to be limited to
amthematics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
 and science only, school is a place for the all-round development of a child, so that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the student can come to know what subjects
does
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
like and want to pursue.
pupils
Fix capitalization
Pupils
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 can not be
only taught
Correct word order
taught only
show examples
 in a scripted way of modern education.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
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 example, the list of
insatnces
Correct your spelling
instances
 is endless,
Correct pronoun usage
which that
show examples
that shows
Correct word order
shows that
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 the successful artists and
sportsperson
Fix the agreement mistake
sportspersons
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 are not well-educated, but they have
well-trained
Verb problem
been well-trained
show examples
 in their
filed
Use the right word
field
show examples
 of interest
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 the reason they brought
proud
Replace the word
pride
show examples
 to their nation.
Additionally
Linking Words
, apart from career, the children will have
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about different
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 and amazing skills can be inculcated in them.
For instance
Linking Words
, their brain can easily switch from
one
Use synonyms
 kind of subject to another
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 how they learn adaptability and flexibility. learning about sports and arts
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not mean children should only learn if they want to pursue these as
profession
Correct article usage
a profession
show examples
, they can learn these as
extra curricular
Use the right word
extracurricular
show examples
 activities and their horizons can be
broaden
Wrong verb form
broadened
show examples
. In summary, not everyone
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 born to be a doctor, scientist, engineer or teacher
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 some are born to shine as
sportsperson
Correct article usage
a sportsperson
show examples
, an
athelete
Correct your spelling
athlete
, a singer, a guitarist,
a
Correct word choice
or a
show examples
painter.
so
Fix capitalization
So
show examples
,
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 should not be imposed on students to follow
one
Use synonyms
 path
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 pupils must have different options to
go
Verb problem
choose
show examples
for
Change preposition
from
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 in life.

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language
Improve grammar and sentence shape. Use clear, short phrases. Check verb use, articles, and word choice.
structure
Make a clear view in the first part and keep it in all the answer. State how much you agree and stay with that view.
coherence
Put one idea in one paragraph and use easy links such as First, Also, Then to join ideas.
content
Give more real and clear examples that fit the point you make.
style
Avoid long and run on lines. Break them in to short lines for easy reading.
theme
The essay shows the need for sports and art in school.
content
It tries to give reason for why these are part of school life, not only for fun.
structure
The opening has a clear start and a closing idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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