IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some People believe that the best way to reduce commuting time is to replace parks and gardens near the city center with commuter apartment building, but other disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that converting parks into residential buildings near the city centre can reduce the travelling time.
However
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, Others oppose
this
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 view. I agree with the latter view, because if most of the society lives nearby, more services
such
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 as hospitals and schools will create heavy traffic. Some argue that most offices are located in the downtown area, so workers travel to these places every day. Many employees drive long distances, which eventually leads to traffic;
for
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this
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 reason estimated arrival at the workplace is usually delayed. If the government approve the project to develop apartments close to the city, it will help the workforce to travel in a short time.
For example
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, in one of the Australian cities, Melbourne has implemented
this
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 strategy to solve the traffic-related issue,
as a result
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 country has less pollution and fewer accidents over the past 10 years. Replacing natural spaces
such
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 as parks will not help to decrease commuting hours.
This
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 is to say that these gardens do not occupy a large amount of plot.
Moreover
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, any construction requires a lot of additional services from the government,
such
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 as medical facilities, bus stations and community schools.
This
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 will lead to roadblocks
due to
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 vehicle movement.
For instance
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, in Toronto, the public always complains as they reach any location late, because the entire community population is travelling in
such
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 a small area. Not only that during the pick hours, the situation gets worse.
To conclude
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, some think that developing high-rise apartments helps in reducing transit, as most population lives nearby. But I believe there will be less effect if gardens are converted, because more vehicles lead to heavy traffic, even if the distance is short.

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task response
Be clear on your view at the start. Say both sides briefly, then give your own view in a simple, clear line at the end.
coherence
Make each idea its own paragraph. Start with a topic sentence and use easy link words like also, but, however to show how ideas are tied.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Fix mistakes like 'approve' vs 'approves' and awkward phrases.
lexical
Use simple, common words. Avoid long or hard words so your meaning is easy to follow.
content
The essay shows a clear attempt to discuss both views.
examples
There are real examples from Melbourne and Toronto used to back points.
structure
It has a basic plan of intro, body, and conclusion.
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