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Band 6.5

The bar charts below shows the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

The bar charts below shows the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.
The two bar charts below
compares
Correct subject-verb agreement
compare
show examples
 the
percentage
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 of American
boys
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 and
girls
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 who have
obesity
Use synonyms
frome
Correct your spelling
from
 the age
12
Change preposition
of 12
show examples
 to 18 years old in 2004 and 2014. They are
characterized
Change the spelling
characterised
show examples
 in
three
Use synonyms
 different ethnicities
,
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
Use synonyms
non-
Use the right word
non-Hispanic
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hispanic
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 white,
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non-
Use the right word
non-Hispanic
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hispanic
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 black and
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hispanic
Fix capitalization
Hispanic
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there were more teenagers suffered from
obesity
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 in 2014 regardless of gender.
Besides
Linking Words
,
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hispanic
Fix capitalization
Hispanic
show examples
girls
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 and
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non-
Use the right word
non-Hispanic
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hispanic
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boys
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 had the largest proportion of
having
Verb problem
apply
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obesity
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 among these
three
Use synonyms
 groups
in2014
Correct your spelling
in 2014
. In the first chart, the fewest
Use the right word
non-Hispanic
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non-
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hispanic
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 black
girls
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 had
obesity
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 in 2004, at 11%. The other two groups,
Use synonyms
non-
Use the right word
non-Hispanic
show examples
hispanic
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 white and
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hispanic
Fix capitalization
Hispanic
show examples
girls
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, had slightly higher
Use synonyms
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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, at 12% and 13% respectively. All of these
three
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 groups experienced an increasing trend during
10-year
Correct article usage
a 10-year
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 period. The
proporion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
obesity
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 in
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hispanic
Fix capitalization
Hispanic
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
 witnessed a dramatic increase, with the figure growing to 27% in 2014, which was over twice
higher
Correct word choice
as high
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than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 that was in 2004. In terms of the
boys
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,
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non-
Use the right word
non-Hispanic
show examples
hispanic
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 white
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
show examples
 had the lowest proportion of
obesity
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 both in 2004 and 2014, with figures being 9% and 14%. The largest
percentage
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 of
obesity
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 was recorded in
Use synonyms
non-
Use the right word
non-Hispanic
show examples
hispanic
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 black
boys
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, at 16% in 2004, and
then
Linking Words
 increased by 13%, to 29% in 2014, remaining the highest
percentage
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 among the
three
Use synonyms
 ethnicities.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, boys, girls, obesity, three, non-hispanic, hispanic with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • obesity
  • ethnic groups
  • trend
  • gender differences
  • public health
  • interventions
  • demographic
  • disparities
  • insight
  • analysis
  • comparison
  • proportion
  • fluctuation
  • longitudinal study
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