IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are those who feel that a university education is the doorway to a successful life, and others who consider that this notion is obsolete. Discuss both perspectives and provide your viewpoint

Today’s scenario creates a debate about the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 higher
education
Use synonyms
 to become successful in
life
Use synonyms
. Some people believe that university
education
Use synonyms
 fosters
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
knowledge
Use synonyms
 for certain professions, whilst
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 regard that there are other options which
saves
Correct subject-verb agreement
save
show examples
 time and money and
along with
Linking Words
 that
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 practical
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the views and
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
provide my viewpoint later. On the one hand, there are individuals who support the idea of advanced
education
Use synonyms
 to become accomplished in
life
Use synonyms
, as it is necessary to learn the theoretical
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and develop critical thinking, which is a requirement for certain professional jobs
such
Linking Words
 as
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
show examples
,
engineer
Correct article usage
an engineer
show examples
 and
lawyer
Correct article usage
a lawyer
show examples
. These jobs are often considered as the
high paid
Use the right word
high-paid
show examples
 career options and
Verb problem
are regard
show examples
regard
Replace the word
regarded
show examples
 as
noble
Correct article usage
a noble
show examples
 profession.
Moreover
Linking Words
, college
education
Use synonyms
 helps an individual to live a disciplined
life
Use synonyms
 and to
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
, which
certainly
Verb problem
is certainly
show examples
 used as an important tool afterwards.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
sees
Correct subject-verb agreement
see
show examples
this
Linking Words
 notion as outdated
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that there are several other platforms from where someone can attain practical
knowledge
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as vocational
trainings
Fix the agreement mistake
training
show examples
, online coaching.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there is no need to spend a huge amount of money and time to graduate to earn money or become successful.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Australia
Add a comma
Australia,
show examples
 there are so many educational institutes which
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
short term
Use the right word
short-term
show examples
 courses for skilled jobs after graduating from high school to acquire the required practical information related to the relevant program. In conclusion, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 advanced
education
Use synonyms
 is a crucial part to learn some important
life
Use synonyms
 skills which
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 a person throughout
life
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
however
Fix capitalization
However
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 notion is obsolete as practical skills outweigh theoretical wisdom to thrive in
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

overall
You discuss both sides and give your view, but the end is not clear. Choose one main view and argue it with the ideas you gave. Add more detail to each point.
structure
Make the flow better. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence. Use linking words to connect ideas in a smooth line.
content
Use examples that fit the task well. Give more detail on how higher ed or other routes help people.
content
You show a plan to discuss both sides.
structure
You use some linking words to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: