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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the total number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people eating fish,
chicken
Use synonyms
,
lamb
Use synonyms
, and beef, from 1979 to 2004. The data is expressed in
grams
Use synonyms
 per person per week.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most striking feature is that the people consuming
chicken
Use synonyms
 stood at the first
position
Punctuation problem
position,
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while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 fish had accounted for
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
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 share.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1979,
chicken
Use synonyms
 had observed more than 200
grams
Use synonyms
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
lamb
Use synonyms
 and meat had approximately reported with 150
grams
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 fish stood
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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last
Linking Words
 place with nearly 60
grams
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in 1984, the figures for beef, seafood and
lamb
Use synonyms
 reduced slightly with roughly 280, 120 and 45
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
chicken
Use synonyms
increased
Check wording
population increased
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 gradually throughout the years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can be noticed that sea creatures were
least
Correct article usage
the least
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prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 food option with a minimum
fluctuations
Fix the agreement mistake
fluctuation
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around
Change preposition
of around
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 40
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2004.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 beef and
lamb
Use synonyms
 had been in high
demand
Punctuation problem
demand,
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 the figures reported
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
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 decline in the final years by 150
grams
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, hens had maintained a clear lead over others throughout the decade
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 more than 250
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2004.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chicken, lamb, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption trends
  • steady increase
  • most consumed meat
  • relatively stable
  • general decline
  • pronounced decline
  • over the years
  • throughout the period
  • depicts
  • span
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