IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people say we should invest more in space industry while others say we should spend that money on other purposes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The
space
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industry
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 is crucial in
this
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 modern era, investing in the
space
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industry
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 can lead to technological advancements that benefit various sectors,
such
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 as communication, medicine, and transportation.
However
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, others argue that we should spend that money on other purposes. In my opinion, it is a negative development. In
this
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 essay, I will justify the reason why it is important to invest in the
space
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industry
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. To commence with, the
exploration
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 of
space
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 fosters international collaboration and can lead to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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good relations between nations.
For example
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, they work together on a common goal like
exploration
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.
Moreover
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, it can stimulate the economy by creating jobs in research, manufacturing , and engineering which help in innovation and economic growth. Moving ahead, the
space
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industry
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help
Change the verb form
helps
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 us to address global challenges
such
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 as climate change and resource scarcity, by providing data and solutions through satellite technology and
space
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 research.
For instance
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, in weather forecast prediction of weather is through satellite.
On the other hand
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, may argue that there are pressing issues on earth like poverty, education, and healthcare, that require immediate funding and could greatly improve lives if prioritized over
space
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exploration
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. In conclusion, the
exploration
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 of
space
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 fosters international collaboration and can lead to good relations between nations, and it can stimulate the economy by creating jobs in research, manufacturing , and engineering which help in innovation and economic growth.
The government
Correct article usage
Government
show examples
 funding in the
space
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industry
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 would pay a better outcomes in
this
Linking Words
 modern era.
However
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, other issues would
also
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 be solved if prioritized over
space
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exploration
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.

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task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas in the body paragraphs to provide more depth and clarity. Ensure that each paragraph develops a single idea fully.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and phrasing that could be improved for better clarity, e.g., 'the space industry help us' should be 'the space industry helps us'.
task achievement
Consider incorporating more specific examples or data to support your arguments, which will strengthen your points considerably.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and maintains a focused direction throughout.
coherence and cohesion
You've made a commendable attempt to highlight both sides of the argument, which shows consideration of different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • investment
  • space industry
  • technological advancements
  • exploration
  • international collaboration
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • global challenges
  • satellite technology
  • pressing issues
  • prioritize
  • funding
  • research and development
  • humanitarian efforts
  • resources allocation
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