IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some parts of the world, high
school
Use synonyms
 graduates are encouraged to take a gap
year
Use synonyms
 before entering
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
universities. In my view,
while
Linking Words
 there are some disadvantages
against
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the idea, there are more advantages supporting the decision. In the following paragraphs, I will
make
Verb problem
provide
show examples
further
Linking Words
 explanations. First of all, a young high
school
Use synonyms
 graduate is usually inexperienced with how society consists and runs. Without the basic knowledge, one cannot choose the major that fits his or her own interests in the long run. It is well known that many
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
 students change their programs after the first
year
Use synonyms
 only because they find themselves uninterested in the curriculum. With all these reasons, it is definitely beneficial for a high schooler to take a
year
Use synonyms
 off to find some work to do in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society before pursuing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher degree.
Besides
Linking Words
 the
experience gaining
Use the right word
experience-gaining
show examples
 option, thinking and relaxing for youngsters is
also
Linking Words
 of importance. Many young people would choose to spend sometime to
travel
Verb problem
travelling
show examples
 to different countries and
then
Linking Words
 make up their minds
to
Change preposition
about
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 the next move. Some might argue it is
squander
Correct article usage
a squander
show examples
 of time,
however
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 my opinion,
this
Linking Words
definitely
Verb problem
is definitely
show examples
 worth the time. Living in different cultures not only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the young to recover from tiredness caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard study, but
also
Linking Words
 provides them
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 opportunity to broaden their views of what life truly means, which will eventually lead them to a better choice for
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
 studies.
However
Linking Words
, there are some drawbacks based on the activities they choose.
Traveling
Change the spelling
Travelling
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
, would
highly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
likely cost
surprisingly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
more money than they expected, especially for those young adults who are not financially independent or knowledgeable. In terms of finding a job to do before going back to
school
Use synonyms
, there
are
Verb problem
is are
show examples
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 that reputable companies are not inclined to give offers to interviewees who don’t hold higher degrees. With
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 economy decreasing in the past years, the odds are even smaller
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 might harm their confidence. The downside in each case varies, but it can be avoided as long as
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
show examples
 evaluation is made. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are some hidden cons in gap
year
Use synonyms
 decisions, there are many pros
young
Correct pronoun usage
that young
show examples
 high
school
Use synonyms
 graduates can expect from. My suggestion is to take some time to carefully assess one’s own characteristics before making the final decision
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 he or she will definitely find themselves benefiting from the gap
year
Use synonyms
 experience.

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task response
State your view clearly in the intro and restate it in the conclusion so the reader knows your position from the start.
coherence
Each paragraph should focus on one main idea with a short example to support it.
task response
Give more concrete, real-life examples or details to back up your points.
grammar
Fix basic grammar errors and awkward phrases to improve flow.
grammar
Keep tense and number consistent, and use simple sentences to avoid confusion.
coherence
Use linking words to show contrast (but, however) and to connect ideas smoothly.
idea
The essay shows a clear view that gap year has both pros and cons.
structure
There is a simple, clear layout: intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Some ideas come with real-life touch and personal touch.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
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