Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Other argue that teenagers shouldn’t sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money.
While
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some of them argue that teenagers
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
rest more by joining after-
school
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activites
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activities
instead
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of having an extra job outside
school
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. I would
lke
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like
to discuss
on
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apply
show examples
both views. Having a part-time job outside the campus could increase
student's
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students'
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working experiences, in order to understand what kind of jobs are
suitible
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suitable
or they might get
intersted
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interested
in the future.
For example
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, being a pet keeper could
see
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show
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whether you are a caring person, being a tutor tutoring kids might
shows
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show
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whether you have good communication skills with children, being a cashier could show whether you are good at maths, having
working
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work
show examples
epxerience
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experience
could
acknowlege
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acknowledge
your strengths and
weakness
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weaknesses
show examples
, in order to find a suitable job in the
furture
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future
. Apart
form
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from
show examples
that, working experiences could teach
yourself
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you
show examples
to be a
respnsible
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responsible
person,
inscrease
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improve
time management to
adoid
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avoid
being late,
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also
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and also
show examples
how to manage your money once you
recieve
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receive
your income.
Besides
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, it could learn how to
cooparte
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cooperate
with different kinds of people.
For example
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, being a brista, apart from learning how to tackle
customers's
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customers'
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needs, they
also
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have to learn how to divide the work with other colleagues.
On the other hand
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, joining more
after
Use the right word
after-school
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school
Use synonyms
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
could enhance
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students's
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students'
show examples
mental health and wellness.
Students
Use synonyms
are able to choose some activities like rope skipping, orchestra, paintings
Punctuation problem
, etc
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etc
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etc,
show examples
based on their interest. As
students
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already suffer stress from their academics, they might feel tired and need more rest.
Join
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Joining
show examples
after
Use the right word
after-school
show examples
school
Use synonyms
activities could
realise
Verb problem
relieve
show examples
stress by doing their interests, spending more time with friends.
Icrease
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Increase
their interpersonal relationships and mental growth. In my opinion, I think that
studends
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students
should
balances
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balance
show examples
between
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
having part-time jobs outside and joining
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
after
school
Use synonyms
.
This
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not
just
Rephrase
apply
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only
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
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students
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
develop their time management, but
also
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gaining
Verb problem
provides them with
show examples
experiences
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
both ways
in
Change preposition
to
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enhance their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
during
Correct pronoun usage
their teenagers
show examples
teenagers
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
.
Check wording
years.
show examples

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improvement
Plan your essay first. Make a short plan with main ideas and the view you will show.
improvement
Make a clear start. Have an intro that says what you will talk about and a short ending that restates your view.
improvement
Use the power of paragraphs. Start each part with a clear idea, and use linking words to connect ideas.
content
The attempt to cover both sides of the topic.
structure
A clear personal view is given at the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Part-time job
  • Financial literacy
  • Work ethic
  • Discipline
  • Job market
  • Academic performance
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Labor laws
  • Work-life balance
  • Skill development
  • Monetary independence
  • Career prospects
  • Time management
  • Peer pressure
  • Rest and recreation
  • Minimum wage
  • Skillset enhancement
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Personal growth
  • Adolescent development
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