IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that studying for a university degree is better for an individual’s career than gaining work experience immediately after high school. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Individuals who think rather than
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 work
experience
Use synonyms
 right after graduating high school, studying for a university
degree
Use synonyms
 is best for them.
This
Linking Words
 topic is often
one sided
Use the right word
one-sided
show examples
, deeper knowledge and certified ability to work.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, studying for a
degree
Use synonyms
 has many potential advantages
, students
Punctuation problem
. Students
show examples
 who graduate
universities
Change preposition
from universities
show examples
 are considered to be professionals in their field
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their academic understanding of the subject complements their career journey.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person who works at a construction site with good
experience
Use synonyms
 might sound good,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 an individual with a
degree
Use synonyms
 doesn't need much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 and can adapt faster because of their knowledge in the field.
Thus
Linking Words
 giving them chances to improve their skills faster and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 promoted
Secondly
Linking Words
, universities promise a stable career path with an
official
Replace the word
officially
show examples
 recognised diploma. Modern companies want to build a workforce with people who have mastered their
field
Punctuation problem
field,
show examples
 often requiring a
degree
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
high paying
Use the right word
high-paying
show examples
 jobs
such
Linking Words
 as doctors and engineers would be impossible with just past
experience
Use synonyms
. These require high academic and practical skills
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as anatomy studies, complex physics and mathematics that are mainly taught in university. In conclusion, having a certified
degree
Use synonyms
 promises us jobs that most of the time are paid higher
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 contrast to jobs that do not require a
degree
Use synonyms
. Getting work
experience
Use synonyms
 right after high school seems promising but in the long term, people who have degrees most of the time are more successful.

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task
State your view clearly in the first sentence and keep a direct answer in the end. Avoid too many shifts in view.
structure
Make your ideas easy to follow. Put one main idea in each paragraph and start with a clear sentence about it.
coherence
Use simple linking words like first, next, and finally to show order. Check that each idea flows smoothly to the next.
lexical
Use simple words correctly. Some phrases are awkward or wrong. For example, use 'work experience' instead of 'past experience' and 'university degree' instead of 'a degree' in a general sense.
development
Give concrete examples to back up your idea. Mention real jobs and how a degree helps, with clear reasons.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation. Shorter sentences can be easier to read and less prone to error.
content
Shows a clear view that degrees can help career.
structure
Attempts to give reasons for the view.
coherence
Some good linking of ideas with phrases like 'for example' and 'In conclusion'.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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