IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Health experts say that obese women and women over the age of 40 should not be given free fertility treatment (IVF) because they are more likely to experience health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Older
women
Use synonyms
 should not be provided with free fertility treatments
Linking Words
according
Punctuation problem
, according
show examples
 to some
health
Use synonyms
 specialists
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 there are higher chances of medical issues.
This
Linking Words
 essay will delineate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both aspects
along with
Linking Words
 the reasons why I do not agree with the given statement. On the one hand, there are several reasons to support
IVF
Correct article usage
the IVF
show examples
 procedure for
fourty puls
Check wording
forty-year-old
show examples
women
Use synonyms
, and the predominant one is, happiness of
child
Use the right word
childbirth
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
. A woman gives
birth
Use synonyms
 despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all the complications she has to face to enjoy the wholesome feeling of holding her own baby. Nothing can
compet
Correct your spelling
compete
 with that happiness.
Besides
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
 issues can be managed by a proper diet plan and
excirsisce
Correct your spelling
exercise
 during the treatment period. WHO,
for instance
Linking Words
, released
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information recently stating that
women
Use synonyms
 under
sixties
Replace the word
sixty
show examples
 can deliver a healthy child with
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 complications if they combine the process with good eating habits.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some healthcare professionals
opines
Correct subject-verb agreement
opine
show examples
 the other way round because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 IVF can trigger hormonal
imbalace
Correct your spelling
imbalance
 in older
women
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can
further
Linking Words
 increase the chances of many ailments during
pregnecy
Correct your spelling
pregnancy
 and after delivery.
Nontheless
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
, in many cases the success rate of the procedure is low. Even if possible,
women
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to go undergo it multiple times to
incline
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 the chances, which again
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a great negative impact on
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 physical
health
Use synonyms
. An article was published,
for instance
Linking Words
, in The Times where they covered the story
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
50 years old
Correct your spelling
50-year-old
 lady, who gave
birth
Use synonyms
 to a kid with IVF but died during the delivery. I believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it should be the decision of the woman herself, if she wants
tio
Correct your spelling
to
risk
Use synonyms
 her life for the joy of giving
birth
Use synonyms
 to her baby or not. The procedural complexities are
managable
Correct your spelling
manageable
 if a
Use synonyms
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
 is willing to undertake the
risk
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays with the help of new technology
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 of
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 and the child can be monitored easily. So I think,
itr
Correct your spelling
it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 become safer than before. To recapitulate,
although
Linking Words
 it is a
Use synonyms
women's
Fix the agreement mistake
woman's
show examples
 happiness and determination that motivates her to take the
risk
Use synonyms
combining
Punctuation problem
, combining
show examples
 it with
thge
Correct your spelling
the
 good diet and workout,
however
Linking Words
, the total
health
Use synonyms
risk
Use synonyms
 should be considered:
hormonal
Change preposition
including hormonal
show examples
 imbalance
ands
Correct your spelling
and
 success rates.

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planning
Plan your essay with a short plan before you write. Put one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas connect. For example: first, also, but, so.
grammar
Keep spelling and grammar right. Use simple, clear words.
content
Give one clear view and back it with one or two direct examples.
content
You try to show both sides of the idea.
structure
You show your own view at the end.
content
You use some facts about health risk in the talk.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nuanced discussion
  • heightened health risks
  • public health and safety
  • discriminatory
  • individual health conditions
  • mitigate risks
  • mental health and well-being
  • deeply personal
  • equitable treatment
  • advancements in medical science
  • managed effectively
  • inclusive approach
What to do next:
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