IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Social media platforms have a negative impact on young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s increasingly complex world, the issue of the negative impact of social
media
Use synonyms
platforms
Use synonyms
 on young people has attracted significant attention from the public and experts alike. Personally, I strongly believe that social
media
Use synonyms
 has a harmful influence on young individuals, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will present several clear and logical reasons to support
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint. The first reason why I hold
this
Linking Words
 opinion is that social
media
Use synonyms
platforms
Use synonyms
 negatively affect mental health.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because they expose young people to unrealistic lifestyles and constant online interactions, which may cause mental diseases
such
Linking Words
 as depression or anxiety. It
also
Linking Words
 causes long-term harm
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 individuals
as well as
Linking Words
 society.
For example
Linking Words
, numerous studies consistently show that spending excessive time on social
media
Use synonyms
 at night overstimulates the brain and leads to sleep disturbances, which are closely linked to mental health issues
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety and depression.
This
Linking Words
 clearly highlights its negative impact.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 factor contributes to lowering people’s quality of life and creating a more unstable and unproductive environment. Another point to consider is that social
media
Use synonyms
platforms
Use synonyms
 negatively influence education.
This
Linking Words
 aspect
further
Linking Words
 strengthens my argument since it demonstrates how distracting and ineffective
this
Linking Words
 approach can be in real life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many real-world examples illustrate that social
media
Use synonyms
 disturbs students during study, leading to decreased concentration, and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 influences students’ performance and their grades, showing that
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint offers meaningful disadvantages. In conclusion, there are several strong reasons that clearly support my opinion regarding the negative effects of social
media
Use synonyms
platforms
Use synonyms
 on young people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that adopting
this
Linking Words
 perspective can lead to long-lasting and positive outcomes for everyone involved.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Plan your essay with four parts: intro, two body para, and a short conclusion. State your view clearly in the opening line.
content development
Add more detail to each idea. Give one or two clear examples or facts to back up your claim.
language
Use simple words. If you use a hard word, check if you can say it in a common way.
grammar
Keep sentences short. Check punctuation and make sure each sentence ends cleanly.
conclusion
Make the last line fit the start. Do not end with a new idea; finish the view you started.
structure
Clear stance on the topic at the start.
cohesion
Use of signal words like first, in addition, and finally to guide the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: