IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Traditional family roles are no longer suitable for modern society. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 an ongoing debate regarding the relevance of traditional family
roles
Use synonyms
 in modern society.
While
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 some people believe that it is inappropriate to follow the outdated family norms, others argue that traditional
roles
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 are significant.
This
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 essay will outline why I strongly feel that historical family
roles
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 are irrelevant in today’s society.
To begin
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 with, currently, both men and women are sharing their duties
unlike
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, unlike
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 the existence of a discrete division of labour in the olden days. Traditionally, women were expected to be at home, looking after their children and preparing meals,
whereas
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 men were the
bread winners
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breadwinners
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.
However
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, today, as both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents are working, household chores are a shared responsibility.
Hence
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, it is evident that familial obligations are no longer gender specific.
Moreover
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, the tradition of joint
families
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 has evolved into nuclear
families
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, which in turn has severed the familial connections. Earlier,
families
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 were larger with more people and strong kinship. Nowadays,
families
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 have very few members at home, comprising parents and their kids only.
As a result
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, they are emotionally detached
with
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from
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 their extended
families
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.
For instance
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, as children are not familiar with their maternal and paternal relatives, these relations do not hold any sense of belonging in their concept of family. In conclusion, considering the fact that
families
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 have changed deeply in terms of their gender specific
roles
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 and emotional attachment over the years, I strongly believe that the traditional
roles
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 are unremarkable today.
However
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, viable measures should be adopted to prevent social detachment.

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development
Add more clear and precise examples to back each point.
structure
Show the other view briefly and then restate your main view to balance the essay.
lexical
Use simple, exact words and avoid hard or rare terms.
grammar
Check small grammar mistakes and use the right prepositions (for example, 'detached from' instead of 'detached with').
conclusion
End with a strong, final line that restates your view clearly.
task
Clear overall stance is shown.
coherence
Good use of paragraphing and linking words.
coherence
Ideas flow in a logical order.
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