IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006.

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006.
The table illustrates the worldwide mobile
phone
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 of 6 mainly different companies and others in percentage
share
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
 in 2005 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, three
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the all recorded an increase in their
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 of
cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
show examples
. In both years, Nokia had the largest
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 of the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
,
Check wording
market, predominating
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predominating
Verb problem
dominating
show examples
 the whole
market
Use synonyms
. To be more
precisely
Replace the word
precise
show examples
, the percentage of
sales
Use synonyms
 of Nokia cellphones was 32.5% in 2005,
then
Linking Words
 increased to 35% in 2006, maintaining the
most
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
share
Use synonyms
 in the world. Similar increases can be
saw
Wrong verb form
seen
show examples
 in Motorola and Sony Ericsson, with figures for their mobile
phone
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 growing slightly by 2.4% and 1.1%,
stood
Wrong verb form
standing
show examples
 at 21.1% and 7.4% in
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
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 respectively. In 2005, BenQ Mobile sold the
least
Use the right word
fewest
show examples
moble
Use the right word
mobile
show examples
 phones, only 4.9 % of the worldwide
market
Use synonyms
. It
also
Linking Words
 experienced a significant decline during the year,
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 to 2.4% in 2006, which was nearly twice less
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the previous year. As for
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
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 Samsung and
L.G
Correct your spelling
LG
, both of their
sales
Use synonyms
 decreased slightly by
lower
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 than 1%.
However
Linking Words
, the proportion of
phone
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 of the others experienced the sharpest decrease, by 3%, with
figure
Correct article usage
the figure
show examples
 being 16.2% in 2006.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, sales, share, market with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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