IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that being born into a poor country is bad luck while others believe that it only helps fuel one’s aspirations to succeed. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
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 some
people
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 suggest that being born in a poor
country
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 predetermines a
person
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's destiny, others think that it only makes a
person
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 more stubborn and resilient
achieve
Verb problem
to achieve
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 their dreams. I support the first
idea
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 that a
person
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's
country
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 defines
one
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's future. The second
idea
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 suggests that even though a
person
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 is brought up in a
country
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that is
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in
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at
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disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
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, that
person
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 can achieve their dreams or even be more motivated to succeed more than others.
This
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 is because they have less to lose and more to win, so they have to be exceptional to have a
life
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 that other countries' citizens already have in
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 just because their
country
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 has higher living standards.
This
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 can make a
person
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 more aware of what they can have and don'
t
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. We can see many
people
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 with similar stories, they didn'
t
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 have a good lifestyle, they had to work very hard to get where they are
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they are very successful. I personally don'
t
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 agree with
this
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 argument, being from a relatively poor
country
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.
Altough
Correct your spelling
Although
 it is true that it might fuel
one
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's aspirations, I believe it has the opposite effect on most
people
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. I believe success comes from inspiration, hard work and time to do the hard work. If your time only lets you live by,
then
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 you won'
t
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 have much interest
on
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in
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 anything because you have bigger problems. The first
idea
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 argues that being born into a poor
country
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 will have certain disadvantages
and
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, and
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 these will follow you in your
life
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. I must agree with
this
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 argument. All
people
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 can have aspirations to do good in
life
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. Even if you are born into a poor
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country
Punctuation problem
country,
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 you can achieve your dreams, but if you were dealt better cards, I believe you definitely could have achieved more. I believe the probability of success mainly relies on
one
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's personality rather than
one
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's surroundings. That's why the same
person
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 with better resources would be better off in
life
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.
This
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 can be proved by
amount
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the number
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 of disadvantaged and advantaged, successful
people
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 in all aspects of
life
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.
Although
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 you can come across
people
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 who were very resilient and got successful in
life
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 even though they were poor, you will see that the majority of them consist of
people
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 who had more resources from the moment they were born. In conclusion,
although
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 there are valid arguments
to
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on
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 both sides but I support the
idea
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 that being in a poor
country
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 will have major disadvantages in
life
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 because I believe
if
Correct word choice
that if
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 you are given more, you can achieve more.

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planning
Plan your essay before writing. Decide your view and outline two body paragraphs with their main ideas.
coherence
Use clear topic sentences and linking words to show how ideas go together.
development
Give more specific examples or facts to back up points, not only general statements.
grammar
Check grammar and spellings, fix long or unclear sentences.
task response
Balance both sides and end with a clear view.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides and state an opinion.
structure
Some ideas show how country can affect life and success.
content
The writer gives general ideas about effort and time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Limited access
  • Education
  • Healthcare
  • Basic amenities
  • Infrastructure
  • Poverty
  • Unemployment
  • Personal growth
  • Development
  • Cycle of poverty
  • Motivation
  • Challenges
  • Life conditions
  • Resilience
  • Determination
  • Hard work
  • Success
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Solutions
  • Positive impact
  • Community
  • Difficulties
  • Equal opportunities
  • International support
  • Aid
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