IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the technology makes life complex, so we should make the life simpler without using the technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the issue of technological development has sparked wide-ranging debate.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that
technology
Use synonyms
 reduces the efficiency of life, I strongly agree that
technology
Use synonyms
 has a beneficial impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our future life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the improvement of
technology
Use synonyms
, individuals could have a more complete life. One compelling reason for
this
Linking Words
 stance is to improve the efficiency of
data
Use synonyms
 analysis.
This
Linking Words
 is primarily because of the development of artificial intelligence, which in turn allows people to integrate the
data
Use synonyms
 from multiple sources.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the past year, to predict the stocks
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different corporations, I used AI to help me handle lots of
data
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I could clearly observe the
data
Use synonyms
 through the
visualization
Change the spelling
visualisation
show examples
 of information.
Such
Linking Words
 evidence highlights how
technology
Use synonyms
 saves us time and benefits the whole society. Another vital factor is
Use synonyms
technology
Correct word choice
that technology
show examples
 can notice tiny details that are easily ignored by humans. The rationale here is that machines can
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
data
Use synonyms
 more thoroughly and consistently than people.
For example
Linking Words
, when I
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
 to another country, the immigration officer checked my passport and let me pass.
However
Linking Words
, the machine of automated entry refused my visa because the spelling of my name on my visa was wrong.
As a result
Linking Words
, relying on
technology
Use synonyms
 can prevent errors and boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accuracy in important circumstances. In conclusion, despite the concerns that excessive development causes the detrimental effects of the original lifestyle, the advantages of technological expansion, as illustrated by efficiently
analyzing
Change the spelling
analysing
show examples
 the
data
Use synonyms
 and enhancing the accuracy in most fields, clearly outweigh its drawbacks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view does not fit the task. The prompt asks if life can be simpler by not using tech. Say if you agree or not, and give reasons.
task response
Your essay keeps one side. Try to show the other side and then say why your view is right.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear order in each paragraph. Have one main idea in each paragraph. Use words like first, next, also, but, in conclusion to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make flow easier by using links between ideas and by starting each paragraph with a topic sentence.
language
Use simple language and check grammar. Keep it short and clear.
content
The essay clearly shows a view that tech can help in life.
content
There are real life examples like AI and automated entry.
structure
The essay has a clear shape: intro, body, and ending.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: