IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010.

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010.
The line graph gives information about how much money was spent by overseas visitors in the UK over a 30-year period from 1980 to 2010.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the pie charts illustrate the reasons for their visits between 1980 and 2010. 
Overall
Linking Words
, there was fluctuation all over the period,
although
Linking Words
 in general the
amount
Use synonyms
 of money has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased. As in the reasons for visiting,
holiday
Use synonyms
 was still the main reason for visiting in both years,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 the percentage was decreased.  Over the 30-year period, the
amount
Use synonyms
 of money spent increased from about 7.5 billion to over 10,5
billlion
Correct your spelling
billion
.
However
Linking Words
, the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 was actually in 1996
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
12 billion pounds.  From the pie charts, there are four categories for visiting reasons, including
holiday
Use synonyms
, business, visiting friends or relatives, and other. In 1980, nearly
two thirds
Use the right word
two-thirds
show examples
 of visits were for
holiday
Use synonyms
 or other
.
Check wording
reasons.
show examples
However
Linking Words
, in 2010
this
Linking Words
 was less than half
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
holiday
Use synonyms
 decreased from 44,1% to 39,1% and other
also
Linking Words
 slumped from 16,6% to 9,8%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage for business and visiting friends or relatives
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased in 2010, with business from 20,7% to 22,8% and visiting friends or
relative
Fix the agreement mistake
relatives
show examples
 from 18,7% to 28,2%. These charts only show percentages, so the
Use synonyms
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of people coming to
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 was unknown.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, holiday with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas visitors
  • expenditure
  • spending habits
  • trends
  • increase
  • decrease
  • 30-year period
  • tourism
  • business trips
  • educational purposes
  • visiting friends or relatives
  • significant changes
  • global events
  • economic conditions
  • socio-cultural changes
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