IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generations. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

Today’s
life
Use synonyms
 youngest face stressful lives than in the past.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views before giving my opinion. On the one hand, there are different reasons that
influenced
Wrong verb form
influence
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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teenagers
Use synonyms
’
life
Use synonyms
, which leads to
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
. The major cause is using social media. To illustrate, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
Use synonyms
life
Add a comma
life,
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 more
people
Use synonyms
 have their own devices and
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of their
time
Use synonyms
 in front of
screen
Correct article usage
a screen
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they
easily
Verb problem
are easily
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 influenced by other
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 copy famous
people
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Check wording
apply
show examples
even
they
Correct word choice
though they
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 do not have the same abilities or resources. Another reason is that some individuals want to improve their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, in poor countries, young
people
Use synonyms
 work from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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 age to have a quality
Use synonyms
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
 and take more responsibilities.
Additionally
Linking Words
, education stress, more students focus on their academic achievements and do not have enough
time
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 to relax.
Consequently
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, they
fell
Verb problem
led
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 stressful lives.
On the other hand
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,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 in the previous generations
fell
Use the right word
felt
show examples
 more comfortable
due to
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 their simple lifestyle.
For example
Linking Words
, they were simply clothes and
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
show examples
 simple activities. Meanwhile, young
people
Use synonyms
 were busy
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 farms or outdoor
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 helping their families.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 no
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology in the past
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
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 helps them
fell
Use the right word
feel
show examples
relax
Replace the word
relaxed
show examples
. In my opinion, I firmly agree with
this
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 statement because
teenagers
Use synonyms
 in modern society rely on social platforms. In conclusion, I believe that stressful
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 among
teenagers
Use synonyms
 has become a significant issue,
due to
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 spending more
time
Use synonyms
 on social media, heavy education, and financial
challange
Correct your spelling
challenges
.
Nevertheless
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, they should manage their
time
Use synonyms
 wisely and improve their thinking to reduce
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
.

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structure
Make a clear plan before you write so facts go in a good order.
structure
Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go from one to next.
content
Give more exact examples; avoid general ideas that are not real.
language
Check grammar, verb form, and noun use.
language
Choose words carefully; small changes can fix many mistakes.
structure
The essay shows a view on both sides.
content
It ends with a clear opinion.
content
Some reasons like social media are named.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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