IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It has in progress discussions about what schools are able to do in their curriculum.
While
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 some are opinion of that academic
subjects
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such
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 as math, science, and languages are essential for
students
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' future careers,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others argue that non-academic
subjects
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similar
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, similar
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 to music and sports
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also
Punctuation problem
, also
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 play an essential role in a child's development. Both views have their
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
. On the one hand, academic
subjects
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 are seen as the foundation of most professional careers.
For instance
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,
students
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 are
intending
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intend
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 to become engineers, doctors, or lawyers have to need a strong background in mathematics, science, or literature. Focusing on these majorities
guarantee
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guarantees
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students
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 are well-prepared for university and competitive job markets.
Moreover
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, in many countries, success in core academic
subjects
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 is often a requirement for
further
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 education and employment opportunities. İn my point of view is that, a balanced education system is more ideal.
Nevertheless
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 ,academic
subjects
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 without a doubt are vital
since
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for
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students
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’ education improvements. Schools may not ignore the value of music , sports and other creative activities.
Such
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 kind of activities or
subjects
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 expand
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students
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students'
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 talents, skills , reduce
theirs
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their
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 stress factors and make their
life
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lives
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 happier. If we want to know how to see the
students
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 in their
further
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 life and career need to examine both courses
To sum up
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 , the balanced approach and both the core academic and
non- academic
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non-academic
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subjects
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 have
importance
Replace the word
important
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 sides
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
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 future career life

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task response
Use a clear view in the opening and restate it in the last paragraph. Each paragraph should have one main idea that links to the next idea with simple words.
coherence cohesion
Make the essay flow well. Use linking words and clear words to show how ideas are linked. Keep a steady pace and use one idea per paragraph.
strength
The essay shows an effort to discuss both sides and to give a personal view.
strength
There is an attempt to use examples from real life (like jobs) to support points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extracurricular activities
  • academic subjects
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • career preparation
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • creativity
  • teamwork
  • emotional well-being
  • personal development
  • well-rounded education
  • standardized testing
  • school funding
  • arts education
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