IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of indivicuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The debate of allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to make their own choices on daily matters has gained attention in recent years.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that
children
Use synonyms
's decision-making
,
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apply
show examples
 can build a narcissistic society, others argue that these topics are impactful on their character. On the one hand, decision-making depends on the age group.
For example
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, preschoolers are immature and need help and guidance to make the right decision,
while
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 schoolers are usually mature and
in
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, in
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 many
cases
Punctuation problem
cases,
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 they are able to make the right decision.
Nevertheless
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, all
children
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 of every age need guidance from their parents and teachers because they play an important role in
group's
Correct article usage
the group's
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 lives and always manage to come up with brilliant ideas and solutions.
Decision making
Use the right word
Decision-making
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 can build confidence and develop some skills , like independent skills , and
also
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, in many cases, can be more successful in the future.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that
this
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 matter can affect
,
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apply
show examples
which
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apply
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the decision-making has the potential to build individuals who are selfish and opportunistic
regard
Change preposition
with regard
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 to making decisions, and
also
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 build a narcissistic society that just cares about their own wishes in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 run, not others. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea
Use synonyms
children's
Correct word choice
that children's
show examples
 decision-making has advantages that outweigh any potential drawbacks,
although
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 parents should be careful and help them with guidance to make the right decisions.

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planning and clarity
Make a plan before you write. Start with one clear view. Then give two or three points to support it. Then end with a short conclusion that repeats your view.
organization
Use simple link words to show contrast and order. For example: First, Next, However, On the other hand, In addition. Keep them steady so ideas flow better.
development
Give more clear examples. For each idea, add a small detail or real world example. This helps the reader see your point.
content
The essay tries to discuss two sides of the topic.
coherence
There are clear sign words like On the one hand and On the other hand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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