IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that schools should stop teaching students by using books, because students find them boring and that children can learn from films, TV, video games and computers instead. To what extent do you agree?

In the contemporary era, there is a remarkable amelioration in the education sector
,
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apply
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due to
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the
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apply
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technological advancement.
While
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 few individuals argue that children should be taught by improved electronic facilities
instead
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 of using
a
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apply
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references
to
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in schooling. I
am
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partially agree with the laid genre,
beacause
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because
 integration of both
techniches
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techniques
 will produce
sustainable
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a sustainable
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 result. To commence with, it is irrefutable that
books
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 play a pivotal role in
successful
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a successful
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 career. They are an enormous source of
a
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apply
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knowledge and information.
Additionally
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, the
books
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 are not only informative, but
also
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 they are structured in an organised manner.
This
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 is an effective and indispensable factor in
academic
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the academic
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 curriculum, in order to
get
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achieve
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 desirable goals.
Furthermore
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, the children can foster particular rudimentary skills in
a
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life,
these
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which
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 will enable them to bring creativity in
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apply
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life.
For instance
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, one recent study conducted in a
schools
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school
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 shows that reading skills are more likely to enhance greater success
,
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 and literacy rate. Refraining from reading
books
Use synonyms
 perhaps result in
over-dependent
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over-dependence
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 on mobile
phone
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phones
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,
laptop
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laptops
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, and other technology.
On the other hand
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, introducing
techology
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technology
 in the academic system contributes to developing interest amongst learners.
This
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 is because
,
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 pupils find these methods are relatively exclusive and entertaining than the traditional methods of learning.
For example
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, over
the
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time, the government has installed effective AV( Audio-Visual) aids to promote better understanding among students in India, which has proven sustainable
develepoment
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development
 for the education context.
Moreover
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,
this
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 kind of learning is far more convenient for children, as they can have access to a vast source of information on
the
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apply
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social networking sites. To encapsulate,
although
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 the technology has opened the door for accessibility and
conveniency
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convenience
, mindful planning to provide better education is
requied
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required
 by
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the authorative
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authorative
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authoritative
 body. Alongside, teachers should address the traditional concept of
books
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 to the students to develop skills, cognition, and future perspectives.

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structure
Plan what you want to say before you write. Make a short plan with intro, two body parts, and a short ending.
task response
Be clear about your view. State it in the first part and restate in the end. Stick to one main idea.
grammar vocabulary
Use only easy words. Check word form and spelling. Fix common errors.
coherence
Make ideas flow. Use linking words and topic sentences to show the link between ideas.
examples
Give real, simple examples that fit the prompt.
idea
The essay has a real attempt to deal with both sides.
structure
There are clear paragraphs and some good links.
content
You mention useful points about how tech can help and why books still matter.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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