IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many Offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishments. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problems.

The number of criminal activities increases after
criminals
Use synonyms
 get their first punishments for
doing
Verb problem
committing
show examples
 crimes. The primary cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
work
Use synonyms
 and poor housing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 solutions to
this
Linking Words
 are to help
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
look for
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
, provide
education
Use synonyms
 and money for
work
Use synonyms
 training. More crimes are committed
as a result
Linking Words
 of having no
work
Use synonyms
 and living in poor conditions. People who are facing unemployment often struggle to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their basic life demands
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as food.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 leads to life without
comforts
Correct article usage
the comforts
show examples
 of daily living. Spending time in prison related to
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 punishment can make it hard to find
work
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 makes crime likely again.
For instance
Linking Words
, a country like India with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 unemployment rate often
face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
show examples
 theft on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis, where
criminals
Use synonyms
 have
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of previous records to steal money to buy food and groceries.
This
Linking Words
 problem can be tackled by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 or local
groups
Punctuation problem
groups,
show examples
where
Correct word choice
who
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should provide support to find
work
Use synonyms
. They should
work
Use synonyms
 together to fund
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 training and housing for former offenders.
This
Linking Words
 would help them to earn their own money
while
Linking Words
 having secure and safe jobs in future. Another solution is to provide
education
Use synonyms
.
Education
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in changing
criminals
Use synonyms
' mindset and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them aware of the consequences of
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 a crime.
This
Linking Words
 would help them to think about their own actions .
A
Correct article usage
The
show examples
 right support can divert them to
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 ways of living a life.
For example
Linking Words
, as per
study
Correct article usage
a study
show examples
 in Canada, crimes
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 reduced to 40% when
education
Use synonyms
 is provided to every criminal. In conclusion, it has been seen that
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate inclines after
getting
Verb problem
receiving
show examples
first time
Use the right word
first-time
show examples
 punishments. High unemployment rate is one of the main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 which can be solved by providing
criminals
Use synonyms
 with
education
Use synonyms
 and helping them to search for secure and stable jobs which make them financially independent.
This
Linking Words
 ultimately would
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
mitigate
Wrong verb form
mitigating
show examples
 criminal incidents repeatedly.

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structure
Make a clear plan. Start with a short intro that tells what you will talk about. Then give two or three main ideas. End with a simple conclusion.
cohesion
Make your main ideas easy to see. Use linking words like first, next, also, but, so.
development
Give more real or clear examples that relate to your ideas. If you say a study, name it and give a small fact.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Some sentences are long and hard. Use simple and clear form.
content
Be careful with facts. If you name a place, be sure of facts or you can say 'for example'.
content
You have many ideas to talk about.
task
You discuss both cause and fix.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime
  • offender
  • punishment
  • repeat
  • after
  • release
  • prison
  • job
  • work
  • education
  • training
  • rehab
  • health
  • drug
  • alcohol
  • help
  • support
  • family
  • friends
  • community
  • money
  • plan
  • care
  • policy
  • law
  • prevention
  • new start
  • opportunity
  • improve
What to do next:
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