IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that competing with others at workstations, at school, and even in our daily lives is beneficial,
while
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 others think that
cooperation
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 is required to advance as an individual and as a
nation
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.
Although
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 both views bring some benefits to the table, in my opinion,
competition
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 brings out the best
from
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in
show examples
 an individual, motivates them to
work
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 hard, and
recognizes
Change the spelling
recognises
show examples
 their full potential. In the world, where everyone wants to progress in their professional ladder, healthy
competition
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 among colleagues should be encouraged by the management of the
organization
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organisation
show examples
 to
recognize
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recognise
show examples
 the smartest, most sincere, and most dedicated person in the company and
then
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 promote them to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher position for the betterment of the
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
. Even in university, we always compete with our
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 in the exams, assignments, and presentations. Doing well in these areas will bring a good grade in a subject, which results in a scholarship and a bright future ahead. Having a good result at the undergraduate level opens doors for
students
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 to pursue their
further
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 education at the best university abroad. Having good grades at the undergraduate level is the primary requirement of those universities to secure an offer letter. Excellent results could result in a tuition fee waiver and even get the opportunity to
work
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 in the university as a research assistant, teaching assistant, or other post. All these benefits come when we compete with others.
For instance
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, in Bangladesh, when the Grade Point Average (GPA) system was first introduced in 2001 for the Secondary School Certificate (SSC) exam, a handful of
students
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 (around 100) got a GPA of 5.00 (which is the highest grade a student can achieve) out of 5.00. Because of the healthy
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
 among
students
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 and respecting the
students
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 who got a GPA of 5, that number reached over 100 thousand in 2024. One of the contributors to
this
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 result is healthy
competition
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within
Change preposition
among
show examples
students
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.
On the other hand
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, as a
nation
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, if we want to grow, we need
cooperation
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 from our residents. When all the people in a
nation
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work
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 for the betterment of the
country
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 and cooperate with each other,
then
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 it's quite achievable to make the
country
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 into a developed
country
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 within a very short period. Even in a family, to overcome any difficulties, we need
cooperation
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 from each of the family members. In conclusion, we cannot neglect the
cooperation
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that is
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 required for overcoming any difficulties that a family faces and for placing our
country
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 in a better position, but the constant
competition
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 makes an individual
work
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 hard to achieve their professional goals. When a person grows in their life,
along with
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 a
nation
Use synonyms
, they grow.

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clarity
Be clear about view 1, view 2, and your own view. Use a simple plan.
coherence
Connect ideas with linking words like and, but, however to move from point to point.
grammar
Keep to short sentences. Fix big grammar errors and use simple form.
content
The writer shows both sides and gives own view.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are present.
example
Some good use of real life examples.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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