IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to new generations companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

Some folk think that senior
employees
Use synonyms
 who are between the age of 55 or
more
Correct word choice
older
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 should retire early just to give a role opportunity to the younger generation. I disagree with the opinion because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it will increase the financial burden on the government and
tax
Use the right word
taxpayers
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payers
Punctuation problem
payers,
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also
Linking Words
, there are many ways in which they can get chances to become successful. Most of the senior
employees
Use synonyms
 have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 level of position in the organisation. If they resign before
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement just to pass on their duties to new workers will have
adverse
Correct article usage
an adverse
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 effect on the government's
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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.
This
Linking Words
 is to say that the state should allocate
pension
Correct article usage
a pension
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 to these people for their expenses.
As a result
Linking Words
 working class pay more Taxes to
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
.
For Example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 India elderly workforce applied for VRS in 2012
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
eventually
Punctuation problem
eventually,
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 after 2
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 the authorities increased the
rate
Check wording
tax rate
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 of Tax by 2%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Younge
employees
Use synonyms
 have much more knowledge of technologies
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they can get
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 easily without waiting for seniors to retire early.
Due to
Linking Words
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
 in
technology
Add a comma
technology,
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 new
employees
Use synonyms
 get selected in companies by their education and not by
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 past or positional experience.
For Instance
Linking Words
,
Amazon
Correct article usage
the Amazon
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 company distributes equal roles to its
employees
Use synonyms
 as per their capabilities
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 no one
required
Verb problem
is required
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 to
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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 their jobs.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that early retirement of workers
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
senior
Correct article usage
the senior
show examples
 level does not require as it
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
Correct article usage
a monetory
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monetory
Correct your spelling
monetary
 burden to
employees
Use synonyms
 by paying additional tax and on
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 allocating its budget. Not only that many companies
does
Verb problem
apply
show examples
share
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 opportunity.

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task
Work on a clear plan. In each paragraph, have a main idea in the first line and then two or three words to prove it.
coherence
Make the links between idea and example strong. Say how the example shows your point.
general
Check facts and keep to facts you can prove. Avoid wrong facts or weak excuses.
content
The essay shows a clear view against early retirement.
structure
Two main ideas are given to support the view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement
  • succession planning
  • knowledge transfer
  • intergenerational workforce
  • workforce demographics
  • workplace diversity
  • age discrimination
  • company culture
  • retirement policy
  • economic impact
  • professional development
  • mentoring and coaching
  • flexible working arrangements
  • experience versus innovation
  • employee retention
What to do next:
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