IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

- Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.-

Many people debate that all experimentation on
animals
Use synonyms
 is bad and should be made
illegal
Punctuation problem
illegal,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others are of the opinion that crucial scientific innovations can be derived from experimenting on
animals
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it is justifiable to experiment on
animals
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 as long as it is done ethically
Clinical
Punctuation problem
. Clinical
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 trials are done on
animals
Use synonyms
 to help produce vaccines, medications
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
inturns
Use the right word
in turn
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 human
well being
Use the right word
well-being
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 and
animals
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 share similar physiological similarities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 has supported the eradication of certain diseases as medications are
Linking Words
firstly
Replace the word
first
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 tried on
animals
Use synonyms
 before being used for human consumption. By doing
this
Linking Words
, the lives of human volunteers have been spared greatly.
However
Linking Words
, a group of people who are vegetarians or vegans believe that domestic and
non domestic
Use the right word
non-domestic
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 should be left in their natural habitat and not be experimented upon.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the cruelty that the
animals
Use synonyms
 face during clinical trials,
for example
Linking Words
, a Monkey in Australia was mutated during a clinical trial and lost the ability to procreate and experienced loss of bodily functions.
Consequently
Linking Words
, thorough research has shown that
animals
Use synonyms
 can be studied without subjecting them to harsh conditions.
In addition
Linking Words
,
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 have developed ways in which
animals
Use synonyms
 can be studied safely and ethically,
for example
Linking Words
,
Kenya
Correct article usage
the Kenya
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 zoo segregated several species of snakes in order to explore their behaviours towards one another. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
animals
Use synonyms
 should not undergo clinical trials
due to
Linking Words
 the harsh conditions they undergo, I believe
animals
Use synonyms
 should be experimented
as
Change preposition
on as
show examples
 long as it is done safely and ethically without harm being posed to these species.

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improvement
Your main idea is clear, but the work lacks depth. Add more on why animal tests can be okay and what real other options exist. Also fix facts and explain how the example shows your point.
technique
Use simple, short sentences. Break long sentences into two. Use one idea per sentence. This helps a lot in flow.
structure
Make your conclusion clear. State your final view in a single sentence.
content
Check facts about animal testing and give accurate examples. If possible, use more than one example and explain the result.
cohesion
Use linking words to show the order of points: firstly, however, therefore, in addition, finally.
strength
Clear stance on the topic.
strength
Use of linking phrases like however and in addition.
strength
Shows balance by discussing both sides.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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